(at) Fismits 6
Wilky Gets Mad, But Ends Up Glad, Helps Fuels 'drums Past Fizzling Mits, Showdown with Coppers Set
- Led by puzzling defense, mysterious hitting, and flat out riddling pitching, team with the questionable ?-mark emblem out fizzles 'Mits', sets sights on post-season tourney bid
- Pregame controversy threatens team harmony, coach informs .361 hitting Wilky leadoff services de-commissioned, Ernie Banks admirer takes it like man, shows no sign of bitterness other than 12 mutterings of "whatever", "Extra Pepperoni" Tomey says decision hardest ever unless you count time he made switch from Dominos to Papa Johns...
- Final Pregame: In accordance with ancient Batt tradition dating back to Bronze Age, team's self-annointed caretaker (remember infamous "call when you get home" humbug?) gives ingenuous, er time-honored hugs to mates prior to 1st pitch, some say in symbol of goodwill, but speculation abounds Charlatan Dann just looking for TWIC Notes time of day...
- Back, Back, Back to Wilky: Was he angry, slighted, or simply tired of comparisons to Donnie Baker, Brian Richie, Bob Uecker? No matter, south Denver resident answers demotion to 6-spot with slump-breakout vengeance, (3fer4, nearly homers, guns down two Fizzlers at plate), after game "Motivator of Men" Skip says in appreciation of performance, Wilkster to be moved down to 9th spot next week, joyful coach exclaims, "he's earned it!"...
- Timeout for this Butcher Butt Teaser, courtesy of Mark "Sudoko" Satriano: How many hits does Sean have in the month of July A)4, B)5, C)0, D) <0.>
- Conundrums welcome father/son umpiring duo of Corner!, and Corner! Jr, Corner! widely recognized as elite of Denver area softball umpiring officials, teams up with Kid Corner! first time ever, senior Corner! expresses pride of working with Junior but says sonny tends to call rather jagged strike zone...
- Ho De Do Tom says he'll start playing better when team changes MVP award to Butterfinger, GM Butcher gives cold rebuke, but in rare display of kindness, proposes refurbished motor oil if Pesky SS makes a play every now and then, offer rejected by Hodorff as "balderdash", talks break off …
- Swan Song Eric receives throw from from 3B Sats, uses face, chin, neck to secure ball, when asked why glove on hand not utilzed, other half of Gouda Keystone combo explains it's complicated, still learning 2B craft, glove not quite comfy yet...
- After near-record stat-tacular game, Jason Emwa confronts MVP fears, accepts Cruncolaty, but superstitious husband of 1 still won't step on foul lines, shower until 4th day after games and continues ritualistic crotch adjustments in batters box (TWICS Pubs thinks 5 times a bit excessive)…
- While standing in shadows of behemoths Em/Wilky, "Walking Softly" Doherty also produces 4fer4 plate appearance,doesn't mind not being in spotlight, says powerful wattage makes skin freckle...
- Final Tim: Spurned MVP candidate tops off impressive night with mind-numbing diving LF catch filling in 4th for long-time LFer, Emmot - coach reassures Crunchoclaty recipient job not in jeopardy, but discovers car windshield painted with scroll, "REMEMBER WALLY PIPP!", paint appears to match latex used for parking lot lines, uh-boy..
- .Often dubbed Josh Fogg of his generation, mound hurler Butcher racks up 6th game of year holding opponent under 10 runs - under-achieving, er appreciated southpaw shoe-in for 9th straight Cat Osterman Award, given annually to team's top lobber…
- Last Butch: Workhorse Sean already logged in 75 2/3 innings this year, mates marvel at endurance, in exclusive interview with Cat Lover's Weekly, former computer peddler reveals secret to longevity is soaking arm in low viscosity caster oil after games…
- Quotable Sully Tales (from the Crypt): "Hey this Alaskan Amber is tasty - did you buy it from the Arctic Ocean, what's their address?"…
- Make-up twin bill next week with Cops 'n Navigators, win over Miranda Rights Enforcers clinches trip to tourney, loss means I Fought The Law, and The Law Won...
- Players urged to keep fans no closer than 2 miles from ballpark next week, independent studies conclude fan support leads to player performance dysfunction, akin to erectile dysfunction & urinary stage fright commonly experienced when 14 males stacked up behind you in public urinal…
