Week 1 Pre-Game Player Interviews

2011 - Week 1 - Conundrums @ Maptek T-Bones

Conundrums 11
Maptek T-Bones 12
Attendance: We couldn't spot anybody in the park (and we really, really looked)

No Can Do!

Conundrums Let Opener Slip Away With 7th Inning Collapse

Crunchoclaty MVP - Coach Tomey dishes out 1st Crunchoclaty
TWIX MVP award of 2011 season to Brandon Casey who had a
perfect night at the plate (3 fer 3, 3RBI, R, 2B). Casey sent out a
special thanks to his tee-ball coach and said he'll proudly display the
TWIX on his mantel.

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - The Conundrums opened their defense of their 2010 softball championship with a creaky whimper Monday night against their old rival, Maptek “Give That dog a” T-Bones at the old ball field, Lakewood Park on the corner of 6th & Kipling. Leading 11-9 going into the bottom of the 7th, the ‘Drum-beaters’ fell prey to the beat-up outfield grass. With two Mappers on and one out, a line drive that veteran outfielder Ryan “Tin Glove” Wilcoxen would normally handle in his sleep, hit a divot and caromed 65 feet into the ether before it finally completed its trajectory to the centerfield fence, allowing all three Tekkies to scamper home with the winning runs, leaving the Conundrums and their no-show fans in dejected disappointment. The bumpy outfield was blamed on a wildcat Lakewood Groundskeeper strike that has lasted now for 15 years strong. After the game, a clearly grumpy coach Bob Tomey blamed the lackluster team performance on a lack of pre-season preparation. “As a reward for the team’s accomplishments last season, we cancelled spring training”, said the skipper who is entering his 14th year at the club’s helm. “But when I saw our leadoff guy Brubey walk to the plate with the bat upside down, instinctively I knew we weren’t ready.” It’s not as if the Puzzlers weren’t hitting. On the contrary, they smacked the ball so well that they launched a record 12 HR-outs. It didn’t help that Eric “Long Ball” Swanson smacked a solo jack in the first frame, forgetting that a 2-hole hitter's not supposed to hit solo bombs. Expecting to be greeted with the customary high/low fives from his mates, instead the Wisconsin native was met with moonshots on his way back to the dugout. Adding insult to injury, in the bottom of the 1st, Maptek slugger, Max Teragamy launched a grand slammy, and on his way ‘round the diamond, winked at 2B Eric with kind words such as “son, that’s how we do it in T-Bone Town.”

The loss marked the second straight Puzzler opening day loss.

I Took a Bullet For You! – Tomey's offseason tirade against the Lakewood Park commish has left a dirty stain on the club’s once shining reputation. The skipper openly criticized the league for its second-rate scheduling system which left the club with too many late night games. Monday, coach defended his rant, stating emphatically, “I took one for the team!” But despite the coach’s victory against the schedule makers, it may prove to be a long term detriment to the club. as the coach has been blackballed by the league brass. Case in point: after the game, the league coordinator, while spying on the coach from under the bleachers, observed Tomey enjoying a cold bottle of imported beer, then proceeded to lecture/admonish Tomey regarding city ordinances prohibiting bottles on park grounds. Tomey apologized, please forgive him, he’ll never do it again... while crossing his fingers behind his back. Yeah, that’ll show ‘em, skip.

Belly Aching - Eddie Layton, longtime team backstabber, er backstopper was a late scratch when he complained of pains of a gastronomical magnitude. Fast Eddie, a known vegetarian, blamed his tummy tribulations on some foul tofu. Sean Butcher, a known carnivore, offered Layton some pepperoni-flavored pepto bismol. Says Sean, “I never leave home without it.”

Lockout Dan – The Conundrums confirmed that Dan Batt was indeed locked out of game 1. Batt has been on hiatus at the Denver Water Department’s Granby quarry since the beginning of the 2010 season, thus hindering his duties as a Conundrum player. Tomey has previously been on record as stating: "Dan’s gotta decide if he wants to continue pursuing this frivolous water gig or get back on the Conundrum bandwagon.” Fellow watering hole mates Paul Ries and Eric Swanson nervously await the outcome of this chess match.

This We Predict: No TWICS will be forthcoming for the 2nd game of the season against Fat Old Men because TWICS scribal writer Tomey anticipates that he’ll injure his back while attending a Noam Chomsky lecture Friday before the game thus preventing him from attending or documenting game details. Tomey, however, predicted that the Conundrums would prevail 15-5, thus evening their record to 1-1. Remarkably, should this prophecy come to be, it will cement yet another amazing Tomey talent other than writing about mindless softball trivialities.