Titans 8
Attendance: 0
Season Total: 0
Conundrums Go Ballistic, Shoot Down Titans in Opening Day Thriller
Coach Tomey awards season's first MVP to Eric Swanson (3-4, R, 3B, 2RBI); Please do not adjust the resolution on your screen - your eyes do not deceive you. This is a Spaten beer, not a TWIX bar; I repeat...
Lakewood, CO (TP) - The 2-time champion Conundrums began defense of the Leisure League title with their first opening day victory since 2009, intercepting the Titans 12-8. Far from showing mid-season form, the Puzzlers – seeking an unprecedented third straight league title - started slow, but picked up the pace in the middle innings overcoming an early 3-0 deficit to triumph over a powerful Titan club that launched a barrage of rockets over the outfield fences. Fortunately due to the stringent leisure league rules, only 1 accounted for any damage. The game featured Brandon Casey playing SS for the first time in his magnificently ordinary Conundrum career. Opening Day 2012 will also be remembered for the Puzzler debut of Gil Solano, 1st cousin to longtime Curmudgeon, err Conundrum, Sean “Texas Hold ‘Em, 5’s Are Wild” Butcher, marking the first time since Mark/Tom Satriano (1998-2001) and only the second time in team history that cousin teammates played for the Q-Marker franchise.
Introducing Gil “The Pill” Solano: The Pill’s debut began inauspiciously as the rookie showed a classic case of nerves, struggling in the early innings to make an impression on the Conundrums’ seasoned veterans. Player whispers questioned Coach Tomey’s wisdom in throwing young Gil at 1B, while The Pill’s advocate, cousin Butcher, sat motionless in the dugout contemplating how he was going to explain to Solano’s God-fearing mother back in Austin, TX his son’s flat performance on the biggest stage of his softball life. But midway through the game, the rook earned if not respect, then at least a nod from the Puzzler Crusties with a nice dig on an errant throw to first, then showing power with an HR-O bomb that raised eyebrows from fellow bash brothers Emmot/Ries. Near the end of the game, Butcher’s countenance relaxed, asking if The Pill was a Conundrum Keeper. Tomey gave the seal of approval, adding “we only give out 1 year deals to rookies, but Gil’s got a solid future as a mediocre Conundrum. He’ll fit right in with our plans.” (Want more of The Pill? Catch the live interview recorded last night on Conundrum TV:
Oh No! Who Will Write the TWICs? During pregame warm-ups, the team got a scare when newly ordained bench warmer and bat boy, Ryan St. Aubin’s errant throw beaned coach Tomey in the noggin. The nerf softball’s impact thrust Tomey to the ground, writhing in pain. Except for Jason “The Heathen”, players got down on hands/knees, praying for Bob’s recovery. Moments later Tomey rose, gave the thumbs up signal all was well and the crisis passed just as quickly as it began.
Nein, Wir Haben Nicht TWIX: For the first time in the history of game MVP honors, no TWIX was awarded – Apparently the Crunchoclatys, which were rushed for overnight delivery to the TWIX vault at Conundrum Headquarters didn’t arrive as scheduled. To make do, the year’s first MVP recipient, Eric Swanson was awarded a chilled Spaten brew, imported from the highlands of Bavaria. Said a confused Eric, “does this mean I have to learn the chicken dance?”
“To The Back of The Dugout You Go!” There’s a new look at Lakewood Park this year, and it has nothing to do with replacement light bulbs on the misbegotten scoreboard. No, the dugouts were expanded to include two rows of new benches. The coaches/players applauded the bench makeover. The only question remaining is what will be the seating caste system? Will coaches and senior players sit up front, relegating juniors to the back row? Team brass are contemplating the social ramifications of “bench progress” and need to come up with an equitable seating plan to avoid a similar player bench revolt that nearly destroyed Rusty Machine in 1995.
Conundrum Impact On New Rule Changes For 2012:
1)Adding another 5 feet between the bases (70 feet total): Speedsters like Ries, Swanson will see BA slide as a result of fewer infield hits; no impact expected for Butcher, who still must hit ball 136 feet in order to beat throw to first
2) HR’s hit over the fence, hitters no longer required to run bases: Sluggers (i.e., St. Aubin, Ries, Emmot, Wilky) can now enjoy beef ‘n bean burritos while in the on-deck circle and not have to worry about digestive refunds rounding bases.
New Threads, New Swagger: Sick and tired of being labeled a non-conformist by his elitist peers, Brandon “Rebel without a Uniform” Casey heels to pressure, and appears in full Conundrum regalia for the first time since joining the club in 2010. The spiffy looking Casey had an MVP-quality night going 3fer4 with 2 RBI’s, plus a nice job at the position next to the hot corner. Downplaying the suggestion that his new uniform elevated his game, “Dedicated Follower of Fashion” Casey waived his copy of GQ at reporters insisting he’s still the loveable street-smart ruffian he’s always been.
Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! We end this TWICs edition noting the absence of recent retiree Ed Layton with a level of somberness. Fast Eddie’s tenaciousness as the A-1 back stopper, his commitment to hustle, and his ability to drive an outfield fence a few millimeters back was second to none. Old Familiar #32 stood crouched behind the plate for 13 years as a loyal Conundrum. Layton will be honored later this year, on a night when it is known that he will not be dozing off. As a prelude, last night a moment of silence was observed for a full 2.3 seconds, the longest ever in-game tribute ascribed to a Conundrum player, past or present.
