Week 5 vs Titans

Titans: 14
Conundrums: 11

Attendance: 0
Season Total: 2

Titans Rule the Pantheon

Conundrums lose battle against Zeus, Hades, and even Hera

Guest host Ryan Wilcoxen presents the coaches MVP award (Killians Red) to team MVP Tim Doherty (1-4, 0 R, 0 RBI) for couragous acts in the face of extreme adversity.  That's how we roll on this team. 

Lakewood, CO (TP) – The Conundrums put up a valiant effort on Monday night, yet dropped a close game 14-11 against newfound rivals the Titans. The Conundrums simply couldn’t muster the mustard while playing a man down (technically a “person down”) for the entire game.

The Conundrums trailed from the beginning, yet stayed within striking distance the entire way. Finding themselves down by a paltry 3 runs entering the bottom of the 9th inning, the Puzzlers shat the proverbial bed, scoring exactly zero (0) runs before retiring to the bleachers for the traditional banter, manly softball beverages, and stories we’ve all heard more than once. Gone are the days of topical political mockery spearheaded by the likes of Satriano and Sullivan. Lo how we miss listening to Duschinski, Ritchie and Layton address quality, beer-soaked topics such as v-strokes, belt drives, and soft-tails. Anyhow, I digress…

MIA Tomey: Coach Bob could not attend as he was touring the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY. At the same time the Puzzler’s leader was ironically being inspired by the greatest teammates to ever grace the diamond, his team was unsuccessfully, yet valiantly, battling the mighty Titans without him, quite literally leaving blood, sweat and beers on the field.

A statistical analysis performed after the game indicated that the Conundrums had a 86.932% chance of winning the game had Bob played. However, all was quickly forgiven as word spread that Bob planned to distribute gifts to the team consisting of trinkets acquired at the Cooperstown gift shop. Butcher couldn’t contain his excitement as he anticipated a HOF bottle opener. Wilcoxen practically hyperventilated as he imagined his lukewarm PBR wrapped in a Ryne Sandberg beer koozie.

MIA Casey: Celebrating the historical first anniversary of his wedding, Brandon skipped out on the team as well. Congratulations Brandon! We all knew you could make it a year. Well…everyone except for Dave, who now owes the rest of the team $1 each from the Casey wedding pool.

That’s Gonna Leave a Mark: Iron man, and interim Third Baseman, Timmy D took a screamer off his left forearm in the 5th inning resulting in a blood filled, bulbous lump, approximately the size of a medium sized hamster. All signs, except for Tim’s stiff lip, adequate finger mobility, and lack of screaming, pointed towards a broken Radius.

In a stoic show of Kirk Gibson(ish) proportions, Timmy took only one inning off (leaving the Conundrums two (2) persons down), returning the field to bat in the bottom of the 6th inning. As Tim limped into the batter’s box, he gingerly gripped the bat, stared down Dennis Eckersley (or some guy that looked nothing like Dennis in any shape or form) and dug his foot into the playground sand. The pitch was delivered, and Tim swung the bat with the might of a man twice his size. Alas, the storybook ending was not to be, as the stoke was grounded weakly to the 2nd baseman who threw him out by 15 steps.

Fun Fact of the Day: Despite the loss to the Titans, the Conundrums hold the tie-breaker against the newbies by virtue of run differential.

Hey Eric! Yeah, I’m talking to YOU: You’re welcome in advance. Now, bookmark this URL: http://conundrumsoftball.blogspot.com/



Week 3 vs. High Society

High Society 2
Conundrums 14 (5 Innings)

Attendance: 1
Season Total: 2

How Rude! 

Conundrums show High Society Poor Etiquette, Get Back on Track with 14-2 Non-Nail Biter

Coach Tomey awards Game Crunchoclaty to Ryan Wilcoxen, 3-3, 2RBI, 2R, no triples

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - Contrary to popular belief, the death of the TWICS staff-writer(s) has been greatly if not somewhat exaggerated.  After a 5 week vow of silence, the TWICS are back in town (yahoo!) (oh sh*t!)  Two byes and one forgettable loss later, the Conundrums scored a decisive victory over High Society,  14-2.  Ironically, the Emily Post admirers violated a basic tenet of softball tradition when they smacked a couple of pitches back through the Puzzler box, thus nearly decapitating Conundrum hurler and newly ordained lame lower back sufferer, Dale St. Aubin.  Notwithstanding Society’s eyebrow-raising tactics, the Puzzlers  easily disposed of their new rival in the first ever matchup. 

A Most Unusual Rule - Things got a bit testy after the field ump called both the Society batter and runner out in the 3^rd inning resulting in a most unusual double play.  According to 2^nd sacker Swanson, he noticed the Society runner approaching the base, then attempt to distract the bewildered dad from Cheese Lake Wisconsin by wildly flapping his arms and performing the “Chicken Dance".  The ump pulled out his record book and read verbatim Chapter 14, Section 9, Paragraph 38, “Infractions Involving Chicken Dancing While Running the Bases”.  Nobody familiar with Lakewood softball history could ever recall that rule ever invoked, but then again who knew there would one day be a cure for teeth grinding? 

Wilky’s No Triple Threat - Even though he failed to hit a triple - his self-proclaimed cornerstone accomplishment - Ryan Wilcoxen “earned” his first TWIX MVP Crunchoclaty in who knows how long.  It was recorded with little fanfare.  There were no speeches.  No high fives, no promises to elevate his status higher than 6^th in the batting order.  In fact, if it weren’t for the photo op that proved he actually took possession of the luscious caramelly gem, it would remain unsubstantiated for years to come.     

Now Get Away From That Cradle and Make Your Son Proud -  Providing the only accredited excuse from the “Gang of 6” that snubbed the film premiere of the “Year of the Puzzler”, Eric “My Boys Did Swim and I Have the Cahonas to Prove It” Swanson returns to the team after giving birth to the next Gen Puzzler.  Mark your calendar – Baby Swan is expected to join the roster in the year 2042 give or take a few years after he inevitably gets cut from the Lakewood D Comp team and is relegated to E League Softball. 

She’s a Real Doll – We’re not sure who she was or where she came from, but this Mystery fan quietly cheered on the Mystery Boys Monday night.  Yeah, that’s right this plastic beauty was officially documented as a registered fan.  Details of her appearance at the park remain a blur (as does this pathetic photo).

When asked if she would become a regular at all games, the Lady in the purple pumps remained silent and smiled blankly.  This captured the hearts of a few players, you bet your bippy.

If You Film It, 50% Will Come – The long awaited and past due film production of the Conundrums 2010 championship season TWIXumentary premiered May 22 and was hailed for its pomp and lack of good taste.  Of the 50% of the players who were on hand, 32% gave the film a Thumbs Up, 53% thought the producers were full of themselves, 15% couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry and Dave “I Never Met a Beer Fest I Didn’t Like” Brubaker didn’t stay awake long enough to submit his review.  Due to slow sales, the film was abruptly pulled from the theatres and will be available on Blu-Ray, DVD, coming soon.  Comcast and Directv, politely declined to pick it up on for their On Demand audience citing inappropriate content for their viewers.  One cable exec admitted, “We don’t have a genre defined for this story.  We do not understand why this film was made.”