2008 - Games 13 & 14

8/4/08 Game 14 -CONUNDRUMS 10, (at) Maptek T-Bones 20

8/4/08 Game 13 -CONUNDRUMS 18, (at) F.O.P. Dawgs 8

Conundrums Show Split Personality in Twin Bill Finale, Dawg Killing Clinches 2nd Place

• Twas bittersweet, more sweet than bitter as brilliant victory over Dawgs in game 1 catapults Conundrums into Leisure League's prized post summer season tourney, clinches first 2nd place berth in years, team uncorks Boone's Farm in celebration of runner-up finish behind Rustys, but flavory taste turns sour after 'drums defense melts down against lovable Maptek Boners in DH nightcap…
• After downing the Dawgs, players triumphantly shout, "WE'RE #2!, WE'RE #2!", exemplifying once again team's dedication to mediocrity second to none...
• Highly anticipated game against men in blue more hype than drama, Fopping Coppers pistol-whipped, despite having most feared hitter in league history...
• After Butcher gives 2nd straight intentional pass to A-Rod of softball, irate Fuzz players threaten terrified Puzzler with night in the clink, "Law-abiding" Seanster tries to save sallow skin, begs for amnesty, says coach framed 'n "handcuffed" him, just Tomey's pawn in dirty game of beer league diamondball, "HELP!" HELP!"...
• Batt/Sats admonished after violating team's "Significant Other" Zero Tolerance Policy, Debbie/Jan combo ignore ban, cheer team on in defiance, senior team officials cringe every time 'drum rooters get wave going…
• Hody Hodorf players' choice, sentimental favorite,takes home 1st ever MVP, while offensive stats not Crunchoclaty-worthy, Handy Tom's SS play admirable against Dawgs, but secretly voters cite rookie pity as primary reason...
• Against charged up T-Bones, team's horrendous play puzzling - despite early 7-0 lead, Mystery Boys give up 10 spot in 3rd, thanks in part to fielding blunders inexcusable for Over 80 Ladies Softball… Nothing to play for except foolish pride, team's Maptek letdown shameful, players unmoved by coach's post-game condemnation, although many complain about excessive Skipper Spittle Spray, asking "was that really necessary?"...
• 2nd game collapse points to Fast Eddy self scratch from lineup card (sore calf), backstopper's .679 BA 700 points above career average, "Heart 'n Soul" Layton team spark-plug, some view ailing Eddie as 'drums "straw that stirs the drink"...
• Nightmare on Swanson Street: Constantly peppered by heartless Eric-seeking T-Bone missiles, Swan Song comes really, super close to making 8 plays at 2B, Hodorff sidekick admits time to let go of Steve Sax remastered video, "Secrets to Playing 2B" and move on...
• He's Gone Too Far! His head still swelling to dangerous proportions since making uneblievable LF catch week earlier, thoughts of self-delusionary grandeur diappears rapidly after Utility Doherty squeezes Sats away from SS prior to fateful 10-run 3rd, Timmy's less than Herculean play so tragic, Swan Song seen offering condolences on way to bench...
• Final Tim: Finding shame in free passes, Doherty imitates Dawg hitters with phony swings to avoid BB's, Line Painter Extraordinare explains there's no free lunch in softball, he'd rather pop up to catcher than take walk on wild side of 1B, desires fulfilled, last ditty by Doherty makes up for lost TWIC note time...
• Boasting impressive zero.zero assist record in 10 years on club, Sully holds onto ball in RF, daring Maptekies to challenge low pressure water-gun arm, for next trick says he's been practicing walking on water ...
• 1B Tomey, on collision course with Maptek leadoff guy, wins race to bag, thanks to boiler padding walks away unfettered, T-Boner writhes in pain, son wails in horror, "Headhunter" Bobby, clearly no kid lover, tells sonny suck it up or next time he won't be so gentle...
• And so ends another TWICSical season, sure there were follies, of course there were futilities, but remember this: without all this sulliness, if we weren't butchered by this batty play, if there weren't any eligible bachelors for patron saints to rush home to, who would breathe life into a lifeless TWICS World? While pondering that rhetorical nonsense our parting shot is this: we had joy, we had fun, we had treasons, now we're done - see you next year on This Week in Conundrumball!