Week 13 - vs. Rusty Machine

8/2/09

Down Go Puzzlers! Down Go Puzzlers! Sunday Matinee Turns into Rusty Horror Picture Show

(vs) Rusty Machine 28
Conundrums 14
Attendance = 10
Year to Date = 34

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – In “Game of The Century”, last Monday’s washout/rescheduled for 8/2/09 with Rusty causes weeklong domino effect of injuries, surgeries, family matters that seal fate of already underdog Posers - in the end, game eventually played at neighboring Addenbrooke Park on hot Sunday afternoon melts away Puzzler title shots. Minus big guns St. Aubin, Doherty, Ries, Wilcoxen, tattered Conundrums battle Rusty valiantly, scratch way back, manage to pull within 2 runs after 4 frames, but fatigue/heat eventually lead to 5th inning collapse as RM sharks sense blood, begin final massacre with 13 merciless single inning runs - with time ticking down, paramedics arrive too late to resuscitate Mystery Boys. Despite disappointing outcome, team spirits up knowing effort worthy of bravado. Moreover, if one listens very closely, a soft, familiar chant can still be heard rustling in the Addenbrooke wind: “We’re Number 2! We’re Number 2!”.
Again.

When It Rains, It Hurricanes: Our bizarre tale begins when bad news travels in twos: Tuesday, coach learns hitting giants, Doherty and St. Aubin announce intent to miss big game due to family matters – Doherty has audacity to conclude son’s very 1st wedding more important than beer league softball – Thursday, more double trouble when Wilky phones bewildered skip from cozy hospital ward with news of unintentional appendectomy night before – knowing the answer, desperate field manager asks anyway: “Can you still play Sunday?” Less than 1 hour later, opens email to learn that Jason Emmot, while daydreaming of competing in Tour de France 2010, takes unfortunate spill on cycle while reaching for water bottle – despite multiple shoulder lig rips, decides to play through pain – finally a player with priorities straight! If that wasn’t enough (and it wasn’t), on Sunday minutes before taking Addenbrooke field, Rookie Ries messenger arrives with stunning news that Pauly just broke ankle while sliding for other less important baseball team…even after reserves called up - Mark “What Part of Retirement Don’t You Understand?” Satriano, Dave, aka “Warden Henry” Brubaker, Pat “Tennis Anyone?” Sullivan, these competent veterans of the game not enough to save team from another bridesmaid finish.

Dimensionally Challenged Conundrums: Like Lakewood Park’s Field #1, once again another monstrous field causes spatial problems for Conundrums – “Big Daddy Addy”’s roomy real estate too much for ‘drums to play on, outfielders complain bigger field dimensions distort flight of flyballs projected their way – this phenomenon known as “Projectile Dimensia” (pronounced dimen-shee-ya) is now the study of researchers at the University of Blicktenschtrugel to determine long term effects of outfield “warpage”. As always, TWICS Pubs will be on this story as it unwraps, er unfolds.

MVP Dan Sheds Nepotistic Roots: Going 4fer4, including a triple, scoring a run, and knocking in whopping 5 runs, Dan “Crunchoclaty” Batt, earns 2nd MVP of season, this time without help from mom and dad – Proud Dan glad that after 40 something years he’s finally able to pull own weight – “what an uplifting feeling” says “MLK” Batt, “to be free at last, free at last!” Thank God Almighty, I am free at last.”

Son, Don’t Let The Man Getcha, Do What He Done To Me: Speaking of dads, Sean Butcher, son of a Texas Longhorn, finally fulfills 13 year old dream, convinces papa to see sonny pitch a big league leisure game for first time, but oddly, pop watches game from nearby Field #1; when asked why he didn’t seat the elder Butcher in the Conundrums Field #2 Luxury Box, a clearly perturbed Sean had no comment, but family sources say that ever since little Sean played T-Ball in the Lone Star Pee Wee League, daddy-o claimed it more enjoyable watching Junior play from “as far away as the eye could see”.

Gunned Down Twice, But Lives To Tell His Tale: In continuing saga of love-hate relationship with base coaches dating back to 2004 when former Conundrum 3B coach Brian Richie nearly caused 3 player pile up at home plate, coach Tomey in bizarre 3rd inning base sequence, gets hung out to dry at 2B thanks to 1B coach Sats advice, “you might possibly be able to make it to 2nd, boy will it be close!”, luckily gets fortunate umpy call; later while resting at 3B, opposite diamond coach Batt delivers Tomey to waiting Rusty catcher - if not for backstopper’s inability to hang on to throw, poor coach would be latest casualty in coaching calamities; Batt, in self-defense, claims experience digesting plays developing before his eyes told him result would be positive; when asked why he sent Tomey to 2nd, Satriano dismissed question simply by saying, “I’m retired, leave me alone”.

Never Been To Alcatraz: After holding out and racking up record 12 unexcused absences, Dave “On the Road Again” Brubaker agrees to undisclosed terms with club, makes first appearance as a Conundrum. The former prison warden, turned softball player’s bio includes long hikes near nuclear waste sites, digging for radioactive isotopes at Colorado ski resorts and collecting retro Geiger counters at abandoned plutonium sites. Please welcome our newest Conundrum, David “Glow by Night” Brubaker.