Conundrums 20
Attendance: 4th Verse, Same as the 3rd
Season Attendance To Date: Still 1
Coach Bob Tomey presents Paul Ries with the Week 4 "Bridesmaid" TWIX Crunchoclaty award, who was the 3rd choice. Ries' bruised ego
was neutralized by his love for cookie crunchoclaty goodness
(Dave Brubaker looks on,attempting to sabotage the photo op.)
LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – Coming into the contest with the Conundrums Monday night, the FOP Dawgs fancied a winless record of 0-3. But the K-9s gave the Mysterians a scare, all they could handle, keeping a close distance for most of the contest. The Conundrums - led by a record 7 RBI’s by mound-tosser Dale St. Aubin - kept the Dawgs at paw’s length throughout the game, but the outcome was in doubt until time expired during the bottom of the 6th inning, giving the ‘drums their third straight win to stay within a game of the front-running Maptek T-Bones in the competitive Lakewood Leisure League standings. Aubin declined to accept a 2nd straight Crunchoclaty MVP award, complaining that he still had not removed all the caramel residue from his teeth since devouring last week’s prize. Coach Bob Tomey’s 3rd choice (2nd choice Brandon Casey also declined the once-coveted cruchoclaty delight) was Paul “Wünder-Kind” Ries, who went 3-4, and scored 3 times. Not the most remarkable MVP performance but he was the closest player within Crunchoclaty distance, so what the hey. In recognition of Paul playing 3rd fiddle, the award is hereby renamed this week only to “Coach’s Bridesmaid Award”.
“You Wouldn’t Know a Strike If it Struck You!” – Debating the legality of pitch height in the first frame, St Aubin nearly gets the heave-ho when arguing balls/strikes with umpiring chief Michael Hfuhruhurr. The confrontation reached epic levels when the feisty Conundrum claimed he understood pitch height more clearly than umpie. After a few “Oh Yeah…Yeah!” exchanges, Aubie was told one more word and he’d be watching the rest of the game in the clubhouse. Recognizing that no such facility existed, Dale kept quiet the rest of the game.
Scoreboard Watching – For the first time this season, the left field scoreboard was back in operation. For weeks, players were forced to squint up at a 4”x 2” makeshift scoreboard behind the screen while the league ordered refurbished light bulbs for the decrepit left field fixture. Although the scoreboard still had some quality control issues (4’s looked like 3’s, 3’s looked like Q’s), senior players Tomey/Doherty were finally able to read the score without use of their bifocals.
Week 4 Absentee Report -
Eddie Layton - Still looking for zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s. Official press release lists the once rested Conundrum backstopper as “tired of being tired”. During an exclusive TP interview, Sleepy Eddie said he tossed ‘n turned so many times Sunday night he felt like a Greek salad. He even tried reading an old This Week in Conundrumball article, but that failed to induce any notion of a slumber. Taking it up a notch, concerned teammates sound off and offer Eddie tips for nodding off in the short film, “I'm Sooo Tired”, available above just a mouse-click away.
Sean Butcher – Environmental Activist, Sean “Inconvenient Truth” Butcher was officially out for Week 4 due to “global warming”. The 40ish year old veteran Puzzler said he began noticing a gaping hole in the ozone layer directly over Lakewood Park weeks ago. The Al Gore groupie complained to park officials about dangerous levels of radiation hovering over Field #2, but was unceremoniously dismissed, and told simply to apply “a really good glob of sunscreen” before entering the grounds. Butcher vows to stay away from the park until they enclose the area in a dome or he can afford a NASA-certified jumpsuit (whichever comes first).
Dan Batt – Still trying to tunnel way out of a Red Chinese prison
TWIX Thievery? –As Coach Tomey was about to present the Crunchoclaty to an eager Ries, skip discovered the prized TWIX was missing. A Heist! Coach Tomey - gripped with panic, fear, hunger - was convinced it was an inside job and immediately ordered park lockdown. Happily, moments later the TWIX was discovered safe and sound. The felon, obviously fearing reprisal, lost his/her nerve, dropped the bar and fled. The scoundrel remains at large, is considered extremely dangerous and is described only as having good taste. Oh, and it’s likely that he/she has sticky fingers (with apologies to Mick/Keith).
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