Benchwarmers - Doubleheader

 Game 1
Benchwarmers 4
Conundrums 21

Game 2
Conundrums 15
Benchwarmers 2
Attendance: 9

Season Total: 22

Puzzler Sweep!

Conundrums Take First Step Towards Securing Post-Season Berth, Crush Warmers Twice

                   Double-Crossed MVP's - Coach Tomey awards Game 1 and 2 Crunchoclaty TWIX's to Dave Brubaker (4-4, 3RBI, 2R, Jason Emmot (4-4, Hits for cycle, 6 RBI's - Congratulations!  May the caramel be with you                                 

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - On a windy, occasionally moist Monday, the 'drums got-a-beatin' as the Puzzlers launched the first of four consecutive two-for-the-price-of-one shows.  It wasn't close - well maybe before the first game pitches were heaved - the demoralized Benchwarmers were thrashed in both contests as the Conundrums claimed 2nd place supremacy and are on a path towards securing a post-season invitation to the Lakewood Leisure tournament.  On this night, Poser after Poser from top to bottom showed why for the past two seasons this team has been the most feared in all of E-League ball in the lesser Lakewood metropolitan area.  In game 1, Dave "Construction Zone" Brubaker won the MVP, but there were plenty of suitors to choose from as the team pounded no less or more than 24 hits in a 4 inning rout. In game 2, led by Jason "Hit For The Cycle"  Emmot, the Conundrum bats were a bit less vociferous; nevertheless by the 5th inning, the Warmers cried auntie, and so everyone just shook hands and called it a night.

And then the Saint Said, 'It Shall Be Mine' - Believing that crunchoclaty awards is a family birthright, Dale St. Aubin unilaterally decrees the game's first game MVP award to be his, and his alone.  Coach Tomey condemned Dale's caramelly hubris and added insult to injury by informing the Conundrums' flustered hurler that his roaming 4 year old kid Ryan was attempting to pinch hit over on field #3.

I'm Not Worthy - With a perfect 4-4 performance in the first game, leadoff guy Dave Brubaker accomplished what no Brubaker has been able to do this season - earn a coach's MVP.  With an equally humdrum 1-4 in game 2, "Asphalt Engineer" Dave nearly neutralized his triumph.  In the end, Dave's selfless team record, his loyalty to the club and ceaseless whimpering was enough to say "OK, here you go".

Life's a Cycle - Jason "4-Tool" Emmot" becomes the first Conundrum in modern history to hit for the cycle while collecting 6 RBI's to boot.  On his final AB in game 2, needing a triple, Emmot hit a screamer that split the right-center outfielders, raced around the diamond and beat the throw to 3rd easily.  In an odd twist, 3B coach Paul Ries - who was denied his very own cycle two years earlier when the game ended prior to his last AB - was seen attempting to send Jason back to 2B.  Go figure.

Particle Softball Physics in Motion - In game 1, Brandon "Hot Corner" Casey nearly became the first Conundrum to hit for the "anti-cycle".  Casey notched an HR-O in his second AB and in between he was retired at 3B and 2B.  The only base the third year Conundrum didn't make an out at was 1B and was denied the glory only for the fact he had only three plate appearances.  It could have marked the first time in the history of organized slow-pitch leisure league softball in Lakewood CO that there was a classic and anti cycle recorded in the same doubleheader. 

The Battle For SF Supremacy Rages On - With his two sac-flies in game 2, Tom Hodorff took another step forward towards wrapping up the 2012 SF mark.  With 4 SF's through 10 games, Hody Do leap-frogged over fellow mate, Tim "Oldest Conundrum" Doherty who has 3.  The two are neck and neck and with 6 games still to play, it's too early to declare a winner in this hotly contested altruistic stat.  It reminds many of the Ruth vs. Maris HR race that embraced a nation back in 1961. 

Conundrum Sidebar - We (mercifully) end this TWICS edition with this little exchange overheard by a nosy coach during a brief interlude during Game 2:

Emmot:  Nothing destroys a softball swing like a golf swing.
Wilcoxen:  Humph
Emmot:  'Course, softball swings also hurt your golf swing.
Wicoxen:  Humph

Conundrums 16
High Society: 11

Attendance: 5
Season Total: 13

Butchered Society!

Long Relief Veteran Comes Out Of Bullpen, Stymies High Society

Sean Butcher gets coach kudos as this week's TWICS Crunchoclaty MVP recipient.  
Butch saved Puzzler bacon with his pedestrian pitching performance.  Though he failed to
 eclipse  any records, he didn't get mad at anybody except Dale St. Aubin, whom he vowed 
never to speak to again.

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - The last time he pitched a game, it ended with the Posers celebrating their second league title on July 26, 2010.  Almost two years later, Sean (the) Butcher rises from the Dale St. Aubin ashes, turns in his catcher's mitt for a pitcher's glove to rescue the Conundrums with a perfectly mediocre pitching performance and notch his first win of the year.  Sean's 2012 debut was nearly spoiled as the Puzzlers fell into a malaise for the first 5 innings.  In the 6th and final inning, however, those metal sticks arose from the grave as the team rallied, erasing an 11-9 deficit, scoring 7 times (5 of those runs were scored after two were out) and the Conundrums held off the disappointed High Societers to win their third straight victory.  Sean's pitching performance was made possible after starter, Dale St. Aubin dialed the coach up 72 minutes before game time to request a leave of his senses, errr, absence.  Mrs. St. Aubin allegedly left the starting hurler with kid-watching duties.  Meanwhile, coach Tomey was shocked when the phone rang.  Said Robert of Golden:  "The only question I had for Dale was what took him so long to call me?"

The Return of #32 - Old Glory himself, Eddie "Go Get 'Em, Boys" Layton returns as the Conundrums special guest.  Layton, who retired after 14 years as the Conundrums backstopper, appeared for the first time since shocking the softball world when he announced his retirement just prior to spring training.  Layton was hired on as team consultant in charge of scouting.  It should be clarified that his scouting duties were limited to finding fans, not players for the team.  Judging by the lackluster attendance to date, Mr. Layton may be forced into another retirement soon....very soon.

Someday kid, this is Gonna Be You - Returning to his first Conundrum ballgame in 5 weeks, Jason Emmot drags kid Brendan along to prep the youngster for when his day as daddy's replacement arrives.  Young Emmot was impressed with his big league surroundings, but it was apparent that he had a busy schedule lined up that night as he repeatedly asked, "when will the game be over?"

2 Car Pileup at Home and Plate - During the Conundrums' 6th inning rally, Tom Hodorff ran a red light and smashed into High Society's impeccably dressed catcher, triggering an unsavory chain of events.  Trailing Mr Handyman, Brandon "I Will Follow" Casey has to hit the breaks to avoid a second crash.  Hody Do gets credit for a run scored, but was issued a citation by Mr. "Corner" for an R.O.C. (Running Over the Catcher), which carries a $50 fine and 4 points off his base running license.  Check out the Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am! highlight reel:

Creative Gate Manipulation #101 - The Conundrums get ready for the home stretch run and will play 4 consecutive doubleheaders for the remainder of the season.  This is unwelcome news for team officials, already howling over the low attendance figures through the first 7 games.  The "two for the price of one" games will result in a further decline of 50% attendance for the last 8 games.  To mitigate such a disaster, the Puzzlers have announced that fans will be required to leave the park after the first game, get in their vehicles, drive around the block, re-park their vehicles, then return to their designated bleacher seats.  Ushers will be on hand to guide those patrons should they require assistance.  The Conundrums thank you for your patience and understanding.

July 9: GAME CANCELLED

Per the Lakewood Weather Line: The July 9th game vs High Society has been cancelled due to field conditions.