Week 4 vs Green Mtn Kings

Green Mountain Kings: 4

Conundrums: 14

Attendance: 2.5 + a dog named Blue

Attendance (YTD): 3.5 (plus a dog)

 

 

 

Conundrums Win!

Team Runs Unbeaten Record to One Game

Shortstop Tom Hodorff (3-3, 2R, 5RBI) accepts the season’s first authentic TWIX award from Interim Coach Emmot

 

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – The Conundrums home opener couldn’t have gone any better if they wrote the story ahead of time.  Playing in front of a record setting crowd, the Puzzlers beat the hapless Green Mountain Kings 14-4 Monday night at Lakewood Park. 

 

The Conundrums wowed Eric Swanson’s parents, son, and Brubaker's dog "Blue", by jumping out to a quick 4-1 lead which the team refused to relinquish.  The Conundrums put a bow on the run-shortened game in the 5^th inning, much to the chagrin of their royal opponents. 

Dandy  Randy: Starting pitcher Randy “The Urologist” Dickman improved his ERA to 11.08 after tossing a 4 run gem on Monday night.  Randy, known as a consummate pro, gave credit to catcher Sean Butcher for “verbally framing ever pitch”.  

League Umpiring crew was not quite as satisfied with Butcher’s vocal work, vowing to bring emergency muzzle and duct tape to next week’s game.  

Ries Sabbatical: Paul “No Show” Ries takes leave of absence from team to visit the land of cheap beer, bratwurst, orange vests and mostly drunken women. Swanson, Kessel, and Hodorff (especially Hodorff) amused that someone from Iowa actually discovered “the Motherland”.  Said Tom, “I guess if an Iowan is out wandering around long enough they’ll eventually find something more entertaining than corn and attractive cattle.” 

Swanson Take a Ride: Eric “Nuts” Swanson regales team with stories from his Wisconsinite youth.  Teammates riveted as Swanson credits stranger for showing him proper jet-ski passenger technique, and introducing him to previously undiscovered locations on the lake. 

 

TWIX-tastic: According to sources, Tomey Enterprises (dba “Conundrums Softball Club LLC”) and Mars, Inc. have come to an imaginary agreement on unofficial sponsorship rights for related to the TWIX candy brand.  Although financial details of the multi-year agreement were not disclosed, sources estimate the size of the deal around $17.36 per year. 

 

A Conundrums spokesperson said, “We are pleased to continue our long standing partnership with the TWIX brand and look forward to expanding our co-marketing relationship with Mars, Inc.”

 

When contacted for comment, a Mars, Inc. spokesperson said, “As a policy we don’t comment on these types of transactions, but can tell you with 100% certainty that we’ve never heard of the Conundrums.”   

Game Postponed

Tonight's game against The FOP Blue Dogs has been postponed.  The game will be made up on Monday August 4th

 

Week 3 @ Motorboaters

Conundrums: 16

Motorboaters: 17
Attendance: 0
Attendance (YTD): 1

Third Time is NOT a Charm

Conundrums run record to 0-3

Dan Steel (2-3, 2R, 3RBI, BB) accepts the Week 3 TWIX Award presented by New Belgium Brewing from Conundrum's Assistant Coach and team Statistician Ryan Wilcoxen

 



LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – Despite a late rally to tie the game in the top of the 7th inning, the Conundrums dropped their third straight game of the season against league pirates the Motorboaters 16-17 at Lakewood Park.

 

The Puzzlers remain confident despite going winless against the three teams who remain undefeated on the season.  Team doctor Ryan Wilcoxen said, "The wound looks worse than it is.  Have we taken some knocks?  Sure.  We've been suckerpunched a few times but are convinced we can stop the bleeding."

 

Team Treasurer Jason Emmot added, "Everyone recognizes that our record is in the red, but despite three straight weeks of declines, when you analyze the numbers you'll see that we've only down by a combined 5 points.  I'm bullish on this squad."

 

Key Player: Dan Steel took home his first TWIX award of 2014 despite locking his keys, glove, shoes, phone and dignity in the car prior to first pitch.  Steel, claiming his wife demanded that he make the spare key delivery "worth her while", responded by taking home an imaginary candy bar.  Contratulations Dan on a job well done. 

Dead Whale Sushi:  The Conundrums made the most of their postgame banter on Monday night, engaging in a spirited discussion regarding effects, and possible uses, of dead and decaying sea life on the world's beaches. 

WINTER STORM WARNING:  According to the National Weather Service, a large storm is scheduled to hit the Denver Metro Area yesterday and earlier this morning. The Conundrums fully expect the game to be played as scheduled. 

Week 2 @ One Hit Wonders

Conundrums: 26

One Hit Wonders: 27
Attendance: 0
Attendance (YTD): 1

Puzzlers Score 26 Runs!

Remain Winless on Season

Second Baseman Paul Ries (4-4, 4 Runs, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs)
accepts the Conundrums TWIX Award (presented by Boulder Beer Co.) 

 



LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – The Conundrums were rightfully weary on Monday night as they took the diamond against league newcomers One Hit Wonders.  The Wonderboys started the season with a bang, beating Maptek 31-0 on Opening Day, while the Puzzlers were still trying to figure out how to put numbers larger than a zero in the "W" column. 

The game started as expected, as One Hit Wonders forged an early lead on solid hitting, baserunning and defense.  But the underdog Conundrums had some tricks of their own, namely wind-aided errors, a lumpy infield, and favorable umpiring decisions. 

Trailing 13-18 in the final stanza, the wind died down and the Conundrums bats got hot. The Q-Markers scored an impressive 13 runs in the top of the 7th to take a seemingly insurmountable 26-18 lead.  Unfortunately for the Puzzlers, the operative word was "seemingly", as the One Hit Wonders proved they are One Hit Wonders in name only, putting 9 runs of their own on the board to claim the 27-26 victory over the hapless Conundrums. 

Casey Comes Through: Brandon Casey made due on his 2 Strikeout performance by bringing a 12 pack of Boulder Beer Co's Hazed and Infused, marking the first time in club history that the strikeout beer wasn't Keystone, the Beast, or PBR.  Reports that certain teammates are actively attempting to sabotage future Casey at-bats remain unconfirmed. 

Mr. Perfect:  After opening the season a respectable 4-4, Paul Ries stayed hot by running his hit streat to 2 games and 8 consecutive at-bats.  Claims that TWICS staffers are actively attempting to jinx Paul's hit streak will be confirmed, or denied, during this week's game.

Cinco de Mayo!:  Join the Conundrums as they celebrate Mexican Heritage Night during a 9:15p contest against the undefeated Motorboaters on Monday May 5th.  First 500 fans receive free admission.