Week 2 @ Popo's Bloopers

Conundrums: 13
Popo’s Bloopers: 18
Attendance: 0

Conundrums Disappoint Empty Bleachers, Run Record to 0-2

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – Popo’s Bloopers’ bloop-hit-parade and Conundrums blunders begat an 0-2 record for the Puzzlers for the first time in franchise history on Monday night at Lakewood Park.

Interim team skipper Jason Emmot, suffering his first defeat ever as team manager, blamed the debacle on his decision to forego the random line-up in week 2. “I know tradition says we only do the random lineup in the final game of the season, but I should have gone with my instincts. I don’t care what anyone says, Eddie’s mustache would have been a more intimidating presence at 1st base than it was behind the plate.”

Smell the Glove: The lack of photographers, videographers and fans turned out to be a stroke of luck for more than one Conundrum who arrived at the park in less than ill-fitting trousers. The offenders, who shall remain anonymous out of respect to the online reputation, indicated that they were simply paying homage to the 26th anniversary of This Is Spinal Tap. Leisure League officials request unnamed ‘Drums to cover up their Stonehenge at future contests.

Players Association Miffed: Team attributes poor display to inequities between players and management. “We drive ourselves to the games, are forced to suit up in full view of the fans, and are nourished with luke-warm Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. While at the same time, our team President is luxuriously relaxing in the famed non-smoking suite at the Brightmoor Motel and Travelodge in Detroit,” said one disgruntled Conundrum. “Where is Donald Fehr when you need him?”

The Milwaukee Kid: Eric “Swanny” Swanson claims weekly Cruchchocolaty Award after going 3-4, and hitting his first ever Grand Salami. Swanson continues to deny allegations that he stole Prince Fielder’s HR-mojo at a Waukesha night club on New Year’s Eve. F.O.P. Dawgs continue to investigate, and say that Eric remains a person of interest in the case.

Tradition Continues: Conundrum hurler Sean Butcher provided postgame entertainment to all, with his annual retelling of his literary classic The Abduction. The team’s youngsters sat crisscross applesauce on the grass, listening in wide-eyed wonder, as Sean feverously explained how a bungled alien cattle mutilation resulted in unexplained dots on his ankle.

Last: Next game is at 6:15 against perennial bottom feeders Crush. Order your Family Night Package Now! Only $49.99 (plus tax and applicable ticket surcharges) gets your four upper bowl tickets, 25% off coupon at Conundrum’s Team Store, and $1 hotdogs and soda at concession stand.