Conundrums: 15
Rusty Machine: 5
Rusty Machine: 5
Attendance: 4 (yes, you read the right)
Season Attendance To Date: 5
Season Attendance To Date: 5
Rusty, Rusty
Well oiled ‘drums take it to Rusty Rivals
Jason Emmot's 3-3, 2RBI's, 3 doubles, 2 runs scored earned him his first TWIXiegame MVP of the season. Coach Tomey presents the Crunchoclaty crown jewel.
Lakewood, CO (TP) – The Conundrums Softball Club ran their record to 5-1 at Lakewood Park Monday night after a convincing victory over long time rivals Rusty Machine. True to their moniker, Rusty struggled throughout the contest as the Riddler’s bats, gloves, arms, legs, and dumb confidence proved to be too much for the geriatric Machine to handle.
Despite missing co-matrimonial participants, and infield duo/wiseguys, Brandon Casey and Eric Swanson, the puzzlers put on a perplexing performance of patience at the plate, drawing a record 27 bases on balls (give or take) during the 7:15 affair.
Rusty struggled on the mound all evening, using a League record 3 different pitchers throughout the six-inning contest. Long-time umpire Art “Corner” Alvarez, dumbfounded by the apparent inability of the Machine’s pitching corp. said, “I’ve never in my illustrious career seen a more inept battery of arms. I nearly overturned the no alcohol during the game rule, just to keep my sanity in check.”
Return of the Layton: Despite sleeping for less than 6 hours in the previous 12 day period, catcher Eddie Layton returned to the team for the first time in 4 weeks. When asked about mysterious insomnia, Fast Eddie simply stated, “I have two questions. Who are you, and do you have any strong coffee in that water bottle”?
Attendance Up: Team’s marketing efforts pay off again, as a season record 4 Conundrum fans turned out for the team’s 6th annual Alumni night. Said coach Tomey’s wife, and long-time Conundrum supporter, Holly, “I’m always looking for a good deal, and when I saw the free ticket offer on Groupon I figured it was just too good to pass up. Just like the two yards of fill dirt I found for $5 on Craigslist. It’s been sitting in our driveway for 3 weeks but I couldn’t pass it up.”
Socialist Coach: In a strange turn of events, coach Bob finds a pile of money on the first base line to kick off the 5th inning. In true socialist fashion, instead of returning the money to the rightful owner, Bob instead asks for audited tax returns for all of the players. After donning a green brimmed visor for a few minutes, coach unilaterally determines that a young Rusty Machinist outfielder is most “needy” and therefore should be the recipient of the stimulus funding. Calls seeking commentary from the Tea Party went unreturned at press time.
Despite missing co-matrimonial participants, and infield duo/wiseguys, Brandon Casey and Eric Swanson, the puzzlers put on a perplexing performance of patience at the plate, drawing a record 27 bases on balls (give or take) during the 7:15 affair.
Rusty struggled on the mound all evening, using a League record 3 different pitchers throughout the six-inning contest. Long-time umpire Art “Corner” Alvarez, dumbfounded by the apparent inability of the Machine’s pitching corp. said, “I’ve never in my illustrious career seen a more inept battery of arms. I nearly overturned the no alcohol during the game rule, just to keep my sanity in check.”
Return of the Layton: Despite sleeping for less than 6 hours in the previous 12 day period, catcher Eddie Layton returned to the team for the first time in 4 weeks. When asked about mysterious insomnia, Fast Eddie simply stated, “I have two questions. Who are you, and do you have any strong coffee in that water bottle”?
Attendance Up: Team’s marketing efforts pay off again, as a season record 4 Conundrum fans turned out for the team’s 6th annual Alumni night. Said coach Tomey’s wife, and long-time Conundrum supporter, Holly, “I’m always looking for a good deal, and when I saw the free ticket offer on Groupon I figured it was just too good to pass up. Just like the two yards of fill dirt I found for $5 on Craigslist. It’s been sitting in our driveway for 3 weeks but I couldn’t pass it up.”
Socialist Coach: In a strange turn of events, coach Bob finds a pile of money on the first base line to kick off the 5th inning. In true socialist fashion, instead of returning the money to the rightful owner, Bob instead asks for audited tax returns for all of the players. After donning a green brimmed visor for a few minutes, coach unilaterally determines that a young Rusty Machinist outfielder is most “needy” and therefore should be the recipient of the stimulus funding. Calls seeking commentary from the Tea Party went unreturned at press time.
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