Game 1

Dukes 6
Conundrums 16 (5 Innings)

Game 2
Conundrums 20
Dukes 8 (4 Innings)

Attendance: 4
Season Total: 33

A Tale of Trifecta!

Puzzlers Randomly Clinch 3rd Straight Title, End Season on Picture Perfect Night

 2012 Lakewood Leisure League Champions - Conundrums pose for 2012 team photo after clinching their 3rd straight league title.  Bottom Row:  Eric Swanson, Tim Doherty, Dave Brubaker, Gil Solano, Jason Emmot; Top Row - Paul Ries, Ryan Wilcoxen, Bob Tomey, Tom Hodorff, Dale St. Aubin, Sean Butcher (Not Pictured: Brandon Casey)



 LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - In a nod to Old Blue Eyes, the Conundrums did it their way Monday night, clinching their third consecutive Lakewood Leisure League championship in random fashion over a spirited yet clearly outmatched Dukes ball club.  In the last of 4 straight doubleheaders, the Posers smashed yet another opponent and finished the season with a spectacular 11 straight victories, including the pennant finale which featured the time-honored tradition of random batting orders and random fielding positioning.  It was also Team Photo Night and the team mug shot displayed a sea of smiles after the ?-Markers three-peated their way to the 2012 title.  Game 1 was played in conventional fashion with the game clearly in the team's back pocket after a 9 run opening inning burst.  In the randomizing game 2, the 'drums duplicated the 1st inning hitting attack with another 9 run barrage.  But the aging, yet crafty Duke hitters, who could have been mistaken for a cluster of Tomeys and Dohertys kept dinking soft liners between the randomly placed Conundrum fielders and clawed their way back, shaving the deficit to 9-8 after 3 innings.  But no matter how you scrambled them, this killer Puzzler offense came alive again in the final 2 innings scoring another 11 times to bury the Dukes for good and close the door on another great season.

A True Conundrum Patriot - Random Night might not have been possible if coach Bob Tomey had his way.  Tomey attempted to derail Random Night allegedly with the memory of last year's Random loss to the Ralphies still intact.  But Jason Emmot was not about to let his prized Random Night creation go by the wayside without a bully pulpit fight.  In what is now being romanticized as "The Emmot Doctrine", Emwa published his eloquent treatise, arguing passionately on chance merits and won player hearts, minds and other body organs to ensure the tradition of Random Night was kept alive.  Happily, even coach Tomey converted back to Random Religion and admitted that all things random in Game #2 was the driving force that propelled the team's victorious finish.  The Emmot Doctrine captures the team's spirit and identity insomuch as the Declaration of Independence and JFK's presidential inaugural speech defined the American Experience.  My fellow Conundrums, when in the course of softball events, ask not what your Puzzler can do for you, ask what you can do for your Puzzler.

 

Taking Chance With Hody Do -  Tom Hodorff accepts Random Crunchoclaty MVP selected from Random.org  Hodorff:  "It was an accident waiting to happen!"  Coach Tomey showcases Game 1 MVP award awarded moments later.... 

Brubey's Balancing Act - Showing he's not just another pretty face, Dave Brubaker (4-4, 3R, RBI) balances his Coors while accepting the Game #1 MVP TWIX Award

The Crunchoclaty Gods Were Kind to the Rook - Since Eric Swanson first cracked the Conundrums roster back in 2007 (it took him four tryouts), and followed up in 2008-10 by Tom Hody Do Hodorff, Paul "Web Gem" Ries, and Brandon "Hot Corner" Casey, no rookie has ever played an entire first year without winning at least one Crunchoclaty game MVP.  In 2012 highly touted rookie Gil Solano had failed to take the prized TWIX through the first 15 games.  It's fair to say Solano came into the Random Night finale with a sense of MVP urgency.  After an impressive finality Monday night, Solano (2-2, 2R, SF, Inside Park HR), 4RBI shared game 2 MVP honors with Ryan Wilcoxen (4-4, 2B, 2R, 2RBI) and kept the rookie game MVP streak alive.  Down the stretch, Solano was believed to be so traumatized, he nearly broke down. 

Tug-a-Twix - Ryan Wilcoxen (left) shares Game 2 MVP TWIX with rookie Gil Solano.  Gil/Ryan agreed the coach should have presented the mini TWIX - after one bite, they asked for doggy bags.  Wilky announced plans to freeze his leftovers, while Solano remained uncommitted

Tournament Watch - The #1 tourney seed Conundrums prepare for their first round match up Sunday at Addenbrooke Park.  The Puzzlers will attempt to win their second tourney in three years.  After making a splash with three come from behind victories to take it all in 2010, the Posers were bitten by the injury bug in last year's tourney, bowing out with less than a whimper in the first round.  The resurgent Conundrums hope for redemption and stay hot, keeping their momentum alive for 3 more games.  First pitch is lobbed at 11am, don't forget to bring your Puzzler Terrible Towels mailed to all season ticket holders last week.

Green Mountain Kings Doubleheader - 8/6/12

Game 1
Conundrums 6
Green Mountain Kings 0

Game 2
Green Mountain Kings 12
Conundrums 22 (5 Innings)

Attendance: 5
Season Total: 29

Open The Door And Let "Em In

Conundrums' Sweep, Coupled With Titan Loss Provides Clear Path to 3-Peat

MVP's:  Game 1 Coach's Award goes to J. Emmot (3-4, 2B (9)
R (21), RBI (25); Game 2 nod went to P. Ries (3-4, 3B(2), Inside
Park HR (3), 3R (26), 4RBI (21); Congratulations to both!   

 

 

 LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - Despite a nasty Green Mountain knuckleballer throwing a rubbish pitch that would make junk bonds fraudster Michael Milken wince, the Conundrums defense - behind Dale St. Aubin's first complete game shutout of the year - stymied the GMK's in the first game of yet another twin bill, then settled in for the nightcap with a typical Puzzler feast in Game 2 to sweep the hapless "Colorful Mountains Royals".  The Posers were treated to a bonus when they discovered that the seemingly invincible Titans were shocked by the Maptek T-Bones 19-18 upset in their DH finale, locking the 'drums and Titanics into a virtual tie in the Lakewood Leisure League Standings.  By reason of both insanity and tie-breaker rules, the Conundrums can clinch their third straight leisure league title with a season-ending doubleheader sweep of The Dukes next Monday.  It's simple (even for softball guys):  take care of business and be the proud recipients of yet another cheaply designed T-shirt and $85-off coupon, redeemable in 2013.

 

Call The Umpire Repair Man! - Unnamed game umpire had trouble turning the yap button off (even during play when player/coach Bob Tomey was fielding infield throws at 1B).  Case in point:  "Hey that's gonna cost him a case of beer (Out at First!).  On my softball team, we make 'em run the bases (Strike 2!), but we're a bit tougher than you guys (Foul Ball!)...

 

Banal Butchering - In game 2, Sean Butcher made a serious run at his second MVP of the year with two notable highlights:  Firstly, Butch knocked in a pair of runs in a single AB!  The historical record shows no evidence that this has ever happened - yet another milestone in a season fraught with team accomplishment.  Then, prior to the bottom of the 5th, Sean boomed out in commanding tones to his mates that he - and he alone - should knock in the game-ending RBI.  The Wheat Ridge resident's powerful vociferations are matched only by his equally magnanimous boiler, and the players took notice.  With two outs and the speedy Wilcoxen on 2B, Butcher dinked a Rhode Island Leaguer over second base, thus scoring Wilky and ending the game.  Unfortunately, all that and a 2 for 4 performance  wasn't enough to land Sean the TWIX - Bitter, Sean vowed never ever again to contribute so mightily to the Conundrum cause.

 

Please Listen Carefully as Our Menu Has Changed - The good news on Field #3's scoreboard:  it works just fine.  The bad news:  #3's scorekeeper has not been fully trained on how to light it up or to keep score.  Balls, strikes, outs were never recorded and the lady in the tower had trouble keeping track of all 6 runs the Conundrums scored in game #1.  The control panel with its complex scheme of "on/off" "stop/start" buttons finally led to an in-game call to the manufacturer's Help Desk.  Nobody is really sure what the problem was as she was still on hold after completion of game 2. 

 

That's A Croc - Minding his own business in the on-deck circle, TWICS beat writer Tomey was busy contriving the evening's TWICS headlines when a Tim Doherty SCUD missile was launched his way, theatening bodily harm.  Tomey averted serious injury when he was able to do some nifty tap dancing to avoid Doherty's errant foul ball.  When asked how he was able to move those flat feet so quickly, the 51 year old Bob responded, "I learned those moves when I was Chief Mine Sweeper in the alligator-infested Florida Everglades years ago."

 

Quote of The Night:  "My ass hurts" - Ryan Wilcoxen after driving 1400 miles from U-Per, Michigan to make the game.

 

To Randomize Or Not To Randomize - With two games left and the Mystery Boys needing to win both in order to secure the league title, the question of Random Night is now a serious dilemma.  Should the Conundrums go full throttle and bury the hapless 3-11 Dukes and forego traditon or risk the Random gods serving up Sean Butcher at shortstop, Paul Ries - with his cannon arm - underhanding 68 mph pitches to the backstop, and relying upon Bob "lame arm" Tomey to save the game by gunning down a runner at home from LC?  Ah, these are the age old questions.  Stay tuned....

 

Conundrum Olympiad I - The first ever Conundrum Olympics were held on a dark grassy knoll outside Field #3 Monday night and what a spectacle it was - event sponsor and visionary Eric "Barry Fay" Swanson pulled the event off without a hitch and fittingly won the gold medal in the only event, the 76 meter race by a hair over slightly favored Paul Ries.  Ries, who won the Iowa State Cornfield qualifing heat to represent the Hawkeye state, got a late start and finished with the silver.  Ryan Wilcoxen finished with the bronze while Jason "It's Hammy Time" Emmot came up lame and failed to finish.  Sean Butcher was a late addition to the field, but after the first step decided to angle off towards an exposed PBR waiting for him on the sidelines rather than risk Suds Theft.  The only downer was the poor video quality.  Bob Tomey creator of the critically acclaimed "Year of the Puzzler" award-winning film tarnished his reputation when his camera skimmed the tops of the heads of the runners as they crossed the finish line.  Apparently the term "photo finish" rang hollow to the frazzled Scorcesi wanna be.  Nevertheless nothing could dampen Swanson's beaming pride as he proclaimed:  "This is the best Olympics ever!"

Motorboaters Doubleheader - 7/30/12

Game 1
Motorboaters 3
Conundrums 15 (5 Innings)

Game 2
Conundrums 18
Motorboaters 2 (4 Innings)

Attendance:  2
Season Total:  24  

We Need More Brooms!

Puzzler Mojo Continues, Beleaguered Motorboaters Latest Victims in Double Blowout

                             Coach Tomey presents Game 1 (St. Aubin) and 2 (Casey) with post-game
                                       TWIX MVP's.  Future Conundrum star, Ryan St. Aubin looks on.

  LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - The Conundrums left the Motorboaters dead in the water Monday night with another double massacre.  It was the fourth straight game in which the Posers finished off an opponent in 5 or less innings as the 'drums continued to hit the snot out of the ball - which is good considering the sticky situation that would otherwise bear witness.  During this span, the Mysterians' team BA has surged from .542 to .581, a spike of approximately 39 points.  This hitting synchronization is nothing short of a harmonic blitzkrieg.  With four games left, the Conundrums are poised for another strong finish.

I've Got A Mouth and I'm Not Afraid To Use It - Ordaining himself the new leader of the Conundrums Swagger Movement, Dale St Aubin - from the safety of his perch on the mound -  went at it jaw to jaw, toe to toe with the Motorhead dugout.  There were no bench clearings to report, as there was little evidence of combativeness present on the Motor City Vessel.  Yet Aubbie seemed to enjoy his jibber-jabberwalk and talk.  And while the official team position on smack talking was outlawed during the franchise's Donnie Baker era (aka the "Viper Dark Ages"), St. Aubie's blustering tends to take his mischievous mind away from notions of pitching behind his back left-legged.

Brubey's Moving Violation -   When 3rd base coach Tim "Officer" Doherty ordered an out of control Dave "Brakeless" Brubaker to halt, he didn't simply ignore the bewildered senior Conundrum on his way to scoring; Brubey had the presence of mind to reply, "No, you can't make me!".  It was the first time ever that a base-runner verbally instructed his 3rd base coach to euphemistically "shove it".  David has been ordered to enroll in the club's Player Sensitivity Training program.  It's the 3rd time he's taken the course.

Where Did This TWIC Come From?? - One week removed from his rarefied cycle, Jason "Life Is a Cycle, Then You Start Over Again" Emmot nearly repeats the feat when he hits a 1B, 2B, 3B and then a HR-O.  Emmot first dubbed the anomaly the "Bizarro Cycle", but later amended the nomenclature to "Bandit Cycle" as a slam against arch Conundrum rival, Dale St. Aubin who refuses to stop hitting the game's 1st and only home run, before Em can release all that pent-up power.  Relations between the two slam artists remains amiable although Jason did cancel their annual golf 'n fishing weekend, citing a sudden commitment to see "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change" with his in-laws.

Swanny World Tour Cancelled - Visionary, founder, promoter, and self-proclaimed favorite to win the  Conundrums 1st Olympiad in the 41 meter sprint to be held on August 6, Eric "Uni-Athelon" Swanson shatters his make believe reputation when he dogs it running the bases.  Failing to score from 2B on a Jason Emmot double, Swanny claims that third brat consumed during a ribbon-cutting lunch ceremony did him in.   As of this writing, Swanson is listed as a Vegas 40-1 shot to make it past the qualifying round in the Olympics.  After tonight's games, sponsors from Coke, Gillette and Compound W all pulled Swanny ads.

He'll Go For the Gold - In a rarity only matched by the coming of Armageddon, veteran Poser, Sean Butcher was minding his own business, thinking whether he should send his bookie a funny or sentimental birthday card, when suddenly he was summoned to 1st base to run for Brandon Casey who came up lame after leaning over to scoop up a buffalo head nickel while running the bases.  Six singles later, "Loose Legs" Butcher scored, then promptly registered for the Conundrum Olympics.


Tomey to Wilk: "I Got Yer Back" - With Ryan "U-Per" Wilcoxen vacationing in beautiful Mackinaw Island, Michigan, many wondered who would keep the team's 12 game "Dropped Ball" streak alive?  Stepping up like he's never done before, 1st base sacker, Bob Tomey came through in the clutch, fumbling a soaring pop up.  Sadly, "Slippery Glove" Tomey avoided a charged error, when alert 2B sacker Doherty picked up the live ball and touched 1st base to record the putout.  Moments later, Ryan called to congratulate Tomey for keeping the dream alive.