Week 11 @ Maptek T-Bones

Conundrums: 21

Maptek T-Bones: 3
Attendance (Game): 0
Attendance (YTD): 13.5

Conundrums Fry T-Bones 

Puzzlers run winstreak to 2 games

Paul wins again.  Come on...give a dude a chance Paul.

 

Lakewood, CO (TP) -  The Conundrums scored 14 runs in the 1st inning off of Maptek's "human pitching machine" (thanks Tom), and then decided to put Butcher at 3rd base.  That about sums that game up. 

 

Week 10 @ Green Mountain Kings

Conundrums: 15

Green Mountain Kings: 4
Attendance (Game): 7
Attendance (YTD): 13.5

Alumni Night Victory! 

Puzzlers Win One For The Gimpers

Tom Hordorff Accepts TWIX from Conundrums Owner, GM, and President of Conundrums Alumni Association, Bob Tomey

Lakewood, CO (TP) - The Conundrums made quick work of the Green Mountain Kings on Monday night in front of a half-dozen(ish) alumni, and significant others.  The Conundrums never trailed in the match, jumping out to an early lead and mercilessly ending the game in the 5th inning thanks to the brilliantly conceived 10-run ruling. 

Record Breakers:  The Conundrums welcomed four of their most famous, record breaking alums to the park on Monday night.  Bob Tomey, the all time record holder for walks (16), was joined by Mark Satriano (most garden produce given away), Tim Doherty (most jokes told that only one other person heard), and Eddie Layton (most fence breaking attempts), were all spotted in the stands cheering on the current iteration of the Conundrums.

First Pitch: The alumni were recognized before the game, each given an opportunity to throw out a "first" pitch.  Unfortunatly someone gave the camera to Satriano, who is not known for his prowess as a photographer as demonstrated in this comical clip from Alumni Night.

Bob Tomey tosses one in there.  Steeee-rike!!!

Timmy D gets his turn at the mound.  Look at that form!

Eddie throws one over the catcher's head

Mark Satriano finally gives up the camera and takes his best shot. 



Fin: The Conundrums would like to thank the alumni for their attendance, continued support, and for not smelling like old people.  We hope to see you again soon. 

Week 9 @ Motorboaters

Conundrums: 15

Motorboaters: 19
Attendance (Game): ?
Attendance (YTD): 6.5

Boat-Raced!

Conundrums Drop 2nd Straight to Motorboaters

Paul Ries claims third TWIX of the season
Photo courtesy of Save The TWIX Foundation

 

Week 8 vs One Hit Wonders

Conexxion: 19

Conundrums: 20
Attendance (Game): ?
Attendance (YTD): 6.5

Back to Earth

Conundrums drop bid for 5th straight

Dan Batt wins his first TWIX

 

 

Week 7 vs Conexxion

Conexxion: 19

Conundrums: 20
Attendance (Game): ?
Attendance (YTD): 6.5

Conundrums Win Again!

Puzzlers Secure 4th Consecutive Victory Over Newbies

 

Paul Ries (5-6, 2B, 3B, 2 HR, 10 RBI, hits for cycle) takes weekly TWIX. 
Photo used with permission from the Conundrums Historical Society

 

Week 6 vs Rebels

Maptek T-Bones: 3

Conundrums: 13
Attendance (Game): 3
Attendance (YTD): 6.5

Rebel-Rousers

Conundrums Put Rebels In Time-Out

Ryan Wilcoxen takes week 6 TWIX.  Refuses to share Crunchchocolaty Award with photo-bomber

 

Week 5 vs Maptek T-Bones

Maptek T-Bones: 6

Conundrums: 9

Attendance (Game): 0

Attendance (YTD): 3.5

 

Well Done!

Conundrums Burn T-Bones, Savor Taste of Victory

Ryan Wilcoxen accepts weekly TWIX award due to Brandon Casey's refusal to be photographed with Interim Coach Emmot



LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – The Conundrums picked up their second consecutive victory Monday night at Lakewood Park, besting longtime rivals Maptek 9-6 in a defensive thriller. 

 

The Conundrums never trailed in the match, jumping out to an early lead on the back of Brandon Casey's thunderstick.  Maptek made the game interesting in the top of the 7th inning, loading the bases and scoring three runs.  But their rally would prove to be too little, too late, as the Puzzlers turned up the heat to escape the inning, and lay claim to their second win of the season. 

 

Fan Club:  Randy "Rand Man" Dickman's giggling fangirls were out in full force, snapping photos and hobnobbing with the team's starting pitcher during pregame warm-ups.  Team management promises tighter security saying, "We take these intrusions seriously.  We can't have people snapping unauthorized photos of our pregame training techniques.  These people clearly haven't learned any lessons from Bill Belichick's mistakes."
 

It's a Jungle Out There: Team management expressed concerns surrounding "excessive outfield grass length" to the league office on Monday night.  According to sources, the outfield has not been mowed for 27 consecutive days due to a combination of increasing fuel prices, tight labor market, budget shortages, incompetent managment, ongoing litgation over "ownership rights to the grass" with Monsanto, and 27 consecutive days of rain. 

Conundrums outfielders utilzied tracking dogs, radar, sonar, advance scouts, and GPS technology to track down balls hit beyond the reach of the team's infielders. 



Conundrums Outfielder Dave Brubaker attempts to locate a ball hit to shallow centerfield

League officials, citing Diplomatic Immunity, refused to comment on the situation, leaving teams to speculate on how things could have gone so wrong.  The players association has enlisted the support of the F.O.P. Dawgs to conduct a full investigation into the matter. 

Next Game: June 9th vs Rebels.  First pitch scheduled for 6:15p

Week 4 vs Green Mtn Kings

Green Mountain Kings: 4

Conundrums: 14

Attendance: 2.5 + a dog named Blue

Attendance (YTD): 3.5 (plus a dog)

 

 

 

Conundrums Win!

Team Runs Unbeaten Record to One Game

Shortstop Tom Hodorff (3-3, 2R, 5RBI) accepts the season’s first authentic TWIX award from Interim Coach Emmot

 

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – The Conundrums home opener couldn’t have gone any better if they wrote the story ahead of time.  Playing in front of a record setting crowd, the Puzzlers beat the hapless Green Mountain Kings 14-4 Monday night at Lakewood Park. 

 

The Conundrums wowed Eric Swanson’s parents, son, and Brubaker's dog "Blue", by jumping out to a quick 4-1 lead which the team refused to relinquish.  The Conundrums put a bow on the run-shortened game in the 5^th inning, much to the chagrin of their royal opponents. 

Dandy  Randy: Starting pitcher Randy “The Urologist” Dickman improved his ERA to 11.08 after tossing a 4 run gem on Monday night.  Randy, known as a consummate pro, gave credit to catcher Sean Butcher for “verbally framing ever pitch”.  

League Umpiring crew was not quite as satisfied with Butcher’s vocal work, vowing to bring emergency muzzle and duct tape to next week’s game.  

Ries Sabbatical: Paul “No Show” Ries takes leave of absence from team to visit the land of cheap beer, bratwurst, orange vests and mostly drunken women. Swanson, Kessel, and Hodorff (especially Hodorff) amused that someone from Iowa actually discovered “the Motherland”.  Said Tom, “I guess if an Iowan is out wandering around long enough they’ll eventually find something more entertaining than corn and attractive cattle.” 

Swanson Take a Ride: Eric “Nuts” Swanson regales team with stories from his Wisconsinite youth.  Teammates riveted as Swanson credits stranger for showing him proper jet-ski passenger technique, and introducing him to previously undiscovered locations on the lake. 

 

TWIX-tastic: According to sources, Tomey Enterprises (dba “Conundrums Softball Club LLC”) and Mars, Inc. have come to an imaginary agreement on unofficial sponsorship rights for related to the TWIX candy brand.  Although financial details of the multi-year agreement were not disclosed, sources estimate the size of the deal around $17.36 per year. 

 

A Conundrums spokesperson said, “We are pleased to continue our long standing partnership with the TWIX brand and look forward to expanding our co-marketing relationship with Mars, Inc.”

 

When contacted for comment, a Mars, Inc. spokesperson said, “As a policy we don’t comment on these types of transactions, but can tell you with 100% certainty that we’ve never heard of the Conundrums.”   

Game Postponed

Tonight's game against The FOP Blue Dogs has been postponed.  The game will be made up on Monday August 4th

 

Week 3 @ Motorboaters

Conundrums: 16

Motorboaters: 17
Attendance: 0
Attendance (YTD): 1

Third Time is NOT a Charm

Conundrums run record to 0-3

Dan Steel (2-3, 2R, 3RBI, BB) accepts the Week 3 TWIX Award presented by New Belgium Brewing from Conundrum's Assistant Coach and team Statistician Ryan Wilcoxen

 



LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – Despite a late rally to tie the game in the top of the 7th inning, the Conundrums dropped their third straight game of the season against league pirates the Motorboaters 16-17 at Lakewood Park.

 

The Puzzlers remain confident despite going winless against the three teams who remain undefeated on the season.  Team doctor Ryan Wilcoxen said, "The wound looks worse than it is.  Have we taken some knocks?  Sure.  We've been suckerpunched a few times but are convinced we can stop the bleeding."

 

Team Treasurer Jason Emmot added, "Everyone recognizes that our record is in the red, but despite three straight weeks of declines, when you analyze the numbers you'll see that we've only down by a combined 5 points.  I'm bullish on this squad."

 

Key Player: Dan Steel took home his first TWIX award of 2014 despite locking his keys, glove, shoes, phone and dignity in the car prior to first pitch.  Steel, claiming his wife demanded that he make the spare key delivery "worth her while", responded by taking home an imaginary candy bar.  Contratulations Dan on a job well done. 

Dead Whale Sushi:  The Conundrums made the most of their postgame banter on Monday night, engaging in a spirited discussion regarding effects, and possible uses, of dead and decaying sea life on the world's beaches. 

WINTER STORM WARNING:  According to the National Weather Service, a large storm is scheduled to hit the Denver Metro Area yesterday and earlier this morning. The Conundrums fully expect the game to be played as scheduled. 

Week 2 @ One Hit Wonders

Conundrums: 26

One Hit Wonders: 27
Attendance: 0
Attendance (YTD): 1

Puzzlers Score 26 Runs!

Remain Winless on Season

Second Baseman Paul Ries (4-4, 4 Runs, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs)
accepts the Conundrums TWIX Award (presented by Boulder Beer Co.) 

 



LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – The Conundrums were rightfully weary on Monday night as they took the diamond against league newcomers One Hit Wonders.  The Wonderboys started the season with a bang, beating Maptek 31-0 on Opening Day, while the Puzzlers were still trying to figure out how to put numbers larger than a zero in the "W" column. 

The game started as expected, as One Hit Wonders forged an early lead on solid hitting, baserunning and defense.  But the underdog Conundrums had some tricks of their own, namely wind-aided errors, a lumpy infield, and favorable umpiring decisions. 

Trailing 13-18 in the final stanza, the wind died down and the Conundrums bats got hot. The Q-Markers scored an impressive 13 runs in the top of the 7th to take a seemingly insurmountable 26-18 lead.  Unfortunately for the Puzzlers, the operative word was "seemingly", as the One Hit Wonders proved they are One Hit Wonders in name only, putting 9 runs of their own on the board to claim the 27-26 victory over the hapless Conundrums. 

Casey Comes Through: Brandon Casey made due on his 2 Strikeout performance by bringing a 12 pack of Boulder Beer Co's Hazed and Infused, marking the first time in club history that the strikeout beer wasn't Keystone, the Beast, or PBR.  Reports that certain teammates are actively attempting to sabotage future Casey at-bats remain unconfirmed. 

Mr. Perfect:  After opening the season a respectable 4-4, Paul Ries stayed hot by running his hit streat to 2 games and 8 consecutive at-bats.  Claims that TWICS staffers are actively attempting to jinx Paul's hit streak will be confirmed, or denied, during this week's game.

Cinco de Mayo!:  Join the Conundrums as they celebrate Mexican Heritage Night during a 9:15p contest against the undefeated Motorboaters on Monday May 5th.  First 500 fans receive free admission. 

Week 1 vs Conexxion

Conexxion: 18

Conundrums: 15
Attendance: 1
Attendance (YTD): 1

Conundrums Drop Opener

Remain on Pace for League Title

Ryan Wilcoxen (3-4, 3R, 5RBI) poses with the Conundrums first ever digital crunch-chocolaty award

 

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – The Conundrums dropped an 18-15 heartbreaker to league newbies Conexxion on Monday night, ending a two year streak of opening day victories.   The Puzzlers raced to an early 9-1 lead in the match before the Law of Averages took hold, bringing the Conundrums back to reality.  Interim Manager and Team Historian Jason Emmot was unfazed by the result, noting “The last two times we lost on Opening Day, in 2010 and 2011, we won the League title.  This season is going exactly to plan so far.”    

Crabby Butcher: Opening Day pitcher Sean Butcher was back to his normal shenanigans on Monday, as the Conexxionaires used solid softball strategy by refusing to swing at balls not thrown in the vicinity of the plate.  Butcher, not known for his left-handed accuracy, sensing a conspiracy between Conexxion and the league umpire, unleashed a verbal tirade upon the opponent for refusing to swing at balls thrown too far, too short, or behind the batter.   Team doctor Ryan Wilcoxen has prescribed some Chill Out Pills for week 2. 

Casey or Kasey?:  After starting the game a respectable 3-3, leadoff hitter Brandon Casey struck out twice with the game figuratively on the line.  Brandon has pledged to bring free beer to the week 2 match for everyone not named “Brandon Casey”. 

OMG, WTF, OMG!!!:  The Conundrums try to get off the snide in week 2 as they prepare for a 7:15p match up with One Hit Wonders.  The Puzzlers hope their opponents live up to their name considering the Wonderboys beat league stalwarts Maptek 31-0 in week 1. 

2014 Preseason Update

2014 Preseason Update

A Year Older, a Year Wiser 



Someone once said that “time heals all wounds”.  The Conundrums will find out if 8 months was long enough as they return to the diamond a week from today.    

To say that 2013 was “a disappointing year” would be an understatement.  The team tasted victory so infrequently that management quit paying attention.  The team’s award winning TWICS reporting team went on strike, and team records haven’t been updated in 24 months. 

In response to the team’s woes, management has decided to take a page out of the Monfort book of team management: “Stand pat, and stick with what you’ve got.” 

As rampant fan criticism of ownership has increased, interim General Manager Jason Emmot said, “We were extremely active in the free agent market this year.  Dale retired again, and Brubaker is on a work-related sabbatical.  To say we haven’t done anything is just flat out wrong and not supported by the facts.  Addition through subtraction is what it comes down to.” 

Former owner Bob Tomey was incredulous with Emmot’s response.  “I’ve never seen an organization more mismanaged than this bunch.  I have season tickets, but haven’t been to a game since I left the team.  I can’t do it.  They make me sick to my stomach, which is really something.  Listen, I had to watch Dom Morelli and Brian Richie and never even had to break out the TUMS.  But with this bunch….” 

Team captain and interim Team Mom, Ryan Wilcoxen came to Emmot’s defense when pressed for answers.  “We were a pretty young team last year.  Well, ‘young’ probably isn’t the right word.  We had some new guys who showed a lot of promise.  Well, ‘promise’ probably isn’t the right word either.  But we’re confident we’ll get our mojo back.  Maybe not this year.  Maybe not next year.  But we’re building for the future.   The future just looks bleaker than most people want to admit.” 

Emmot said that the team felt that consistency will be the key in 2014.  “We wanted some stability with our team so we didn’t bring in any new players.  Fans can expect to see consistency with this group.  We’ll still have random batting orders and frequent defensive shifts.  We like steadiness.” 

Have a Roadie: The Conundrums open the season with four consecutive road games before their home opener on May 19. 

Season Opener:  The Puzzler’s open the 2014 season on Monday April 21 against league newbies Connexion.  First pitch 7:15p on Field #3.