Week 2 vs. F.O.P. Dawgs

Who Let the Dawgs Out? Coppers Cite Conundrums for Hitting W/O License (5/4/09)

F.O.P. Dawgs 9
Conundrums 7
Attendance = 1

TWICS Publications
· Shut out of ’08 Tourney, Dawgs Even Score with ‘drums, late inning rally falls short after dramatic Batty Dann Liner falls safely in Sgt. O’Malley’s grimy mitt
· 3 week soggy field layoff water logs Puzzler sticks, sleepy offense - minus Aubin/Sats firepower - finally roused from slumber in 7th stanza - too little, too late, too bad.
· Eyes Bigger than their Gut – Busy in the Conundrum kitchen, sensing the carnivore in all Dawgs, veteran mound craftsman Butcher forces 5+ HR outs, serves up classic “Meatball Hurl” to salivating hungry Fuzz - Sean “The Chef” looks good in apron
· Did I St-t-t-tutter? – No sooner did coach shriek, “Keep it in the park!” when eager rookie Ries clears center field fence, marking 2nd time in as many games young ‘un defies skip instruction – incident reminiscent of similar scene 2 year prior, same coach admonishes veteran Satriano, “don’t hit into a DP”, outcome predictable, wistful coach left muttering “what we have here is a failure to communicate”
· This Week’s Special Report Filed by TWICS Correspondent, Sean Butcher: Hot off the wire: Bob(Stop), Write about Dan’s exploding calves(Stop) [end of report filed]. Editor’s Note: This might possibly be worst report ever filed in history of TWICS/TWIVS/TWIBS
· Hitless in Lakewood – Hody Doe, off to slow start, thanks in part due to “out of box” batting error, begs for TWICS mercy, asks Pubs stop presses this week only – editor weighs player’s street reputation vs. lost TWIC circulation, guess what decision is
· Holy Hody! – Friends note good thing Tom not shooting same blanks at home as on playing field…yikes!
· Sully Sighting – Still at large, Libertarian Sully facebooks Butcher, interrupting mound hurler’s weekly Saturday night bubble bath, takes opportunity to bash team for playing “sissy” game, real man’s game on tennis court, where one records shutout by yelling “40-Love”
· Ravishing Roger Clemens status, “I play when I want, where I want” Satriano missed on this semi-late ballgame, Mark reportedly curled in front of fire, wrapped in $19.99 Snuggy, donning old sweats (allegedly hasn’t seen washing machine in 60+ days), reading “History of Marxism”(Bolshevik Press, 89th Printing), in general having ducky time in semi-retirement
· Citing frigid Monday night 60deg temps, St. Aubie calls in sick, suspects infection by H1N1, formerly known as dreaded Emwa Virus, doc prescribes rest, relaxation and The Bachelor – Complete DVD Set as best remedy for recovery
· 1st career dinger as a Q-Marker clinches MVP, nevertheless coach frowns upon “Swan Lake Eric”, breaks unwritten code, devouring crunchoclaty in presence of mates, reminds impulsive 3rd year player “you never eat yer twix, when you’re sitting in the bleachers, there’ll be plenty of time for chewing, when the playing’s done"
· “Old Man” Tomey’s ‘09 debut shaky, can’t find 1B on Backstopper Layton toss, “Master of Blame Game” claims base was moved by sly FOP 1Bagger inning before – “it’s the oldest trick in the book”. Of course.
· Fan O-Meter – Tonight’s attendance (includes “Paid” and guests of club) = 1. 2009 Attendance to Date = 3 (thanks to “Turnstile” Emmot for taking time from busy schedule to record data)