Where Are They Now - Brian Richie (2003-2007)

6 Questions With a Conundrum Alum

Although it’s been said many times, many ways, it bears repeating: Brian Richie’s unorthodox style at 1B was oftentimes entertaining, mostly exciting, and in some cases he actually held onto the ball. From 2003 through 2007, Richie paraded around 1B, daring anyone to challenge his career .422 fielding percentage, dug his heels in at the batter’s box with that menacing glare toward the mound, touting that .424 BA without an ounce of self-consciousness. Although Brian never did master the art of the backhand catch (the team sent him to multiple catching clinics, even spent the off-season with the Foster Elementary 5th grade gym class), there was nobody who was more confident about his average abilities. Nary had a game gone by when the Hooperville, OK native didn’t chew on the coach’s ear about another coat of baby oil in his precious mitt, or the countless hours spent in the cages perfecting that dismissive batting stance. “Hey skip, want to see my new swing?” (He had so many), “I think I’m gonna go 4fer 4 tonight”. But after four years of giving the team the best years of his life, Richie realized he was not a visionary. Literally. One clear, cool, yet sweltering evening, late in the 2007 season, after failing his routine eye exam, Mr. Richie alarmed his teammates, arriving at the park with a Guide Dog! Suddenly those 3.1 drops per game – 5 in one inning, a record to this day – made a lot more sense. When the season came to an end, sadly so too did the lackluster career of Brian Richie. Many of us at TWICS Publications and the team look forward to honoring the one-time Conundrum on “Brian Richie Day” slated for May 9, 2023.

In the meantime, we caught up with Richie for our next “Where Are They Now” segment, outside the Grand Opening of the Vitamin Cottage store in southeast Westminster and played 20 questions minus 14 with the former Conundrum. Almost two years removed from his playing days with the ?-Markers, Richie reveals his self-delusional heroics on the diamond, a previously unknown man-crush on legendary Mark Satriano, and shares workout tips with his primary love as a fitness pro/amateur. The same trademark ego-centrism that underscored his career on the diamond is still prevalent and confirms to any doubters Brian Richie is alive and well.

TWICS Staff: So Brian, what do you think of the new web site?
Brian: It's different from the old web site? I guess I never noticed, good pics of Satriano's legs though. Yowsie!! I always had a thing for wiry bus drivers. I’m just kidding, Mark! Seriously. I’m a happily married man, for crying out loud! (Is Mark going to be reading this?)
T: What have you been up to since leaving the Conundrums?
B: Well I'm trying to make a comeback, I’ve been working out with the Foster kids, coach says I should crack the starting lineup anytime now. if I could just see out of my left eye and play better than I did when I actually played (although c’mon, it’s tough to improve a quality product, am I right? Heh, heh). But right now I’m just waiting until a roster spot opens up at designated bench warmer and assistant to Bob. Butcher fills that need currently, so who knows when I’ll get my shot.
T: What is your best memory of the team?
B: Well I would have to say the heroics of myself. [Pauses 5 minutes, appears to be taking in the moment]. I always felt like I was unstoppable. I figured the only thing that would get in my way was that fence when Eddie did his face plant. That was gruesome, but you know Eddie and me, we carried the bottom of the lineup, I finally figured out why we were called the Rockbottom twins. Mostly, I remember the good times seeing you goofballs on a weekly basis. Priceless.
T: What’s your favorite workout tip?
B: Don't do whatever Satriano or Tomey do as they always seem to be whining about some phantom injury to their backs or legs or something. It seemed like every week we had to listen to the same thing over and over with those knuckleheads. Seriously, I’ve never met anybody as self-absorbed as those dudes. They’re not like Eddie – that guy runs through fences, people bats or whatever and comes back ready the next week without ever complaining or missing time. Yep, Eddie’s a cool guy (will he be reading this?)
T: Jay Cutler 2009: Stud or Dud?
B: Tough question for me as I traded away my entire season last year during fantasy football for the doofus. Now I have to choose from Orton or Simms as my starting QB. Shouldn’t stop me from running the table, you know I’m the king of fantasy football. Hey, is it too late to get back Brees?
T: Wild Hogs or Easy Rider?
B: Are you kidding me? Wild Hogs has borderline gay adventures and bird in the face while Easy Rider was considered an all time classic, so my pick would be Wild Hogs of course.


Well if gay adventures suit your fancy, who are we to judge? Not that there's anything wrong with that! Thanks Brian for taking time from your new lifestyle to chat with us. Oh, and don’t call the Conundrums, we’ll…uh, well you know…