Week 9 @ F.O.P. Dawgs

6/29/09

Alone At The Top! Gloom ‘n Doom Ends in Triumph ‘n Jubilation, Posers Tame Growling Dawgs in Heart-Pounding Comeback

Conundrums 21
(at) F.O.P. Dawgs 15
Attendance = 5 (Season Record)
Year to Date = 14

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – Before packed house of 5 reticent supporters, Conundrums send hearts soaring again, roar back from depths of despair, erase 10 run F.O.P. Dawg deficit, 19 run outburst in 3-inning eruption stuns previously undefeated “Woof-Woofs”, victory avenges earlier loss against Dawgies, catapults Puzzlers atop Leisure Standings, team takes pivotal step towards first league crown since 2004

Against All Odds - Just when Dawgs thought it safe to bury Puzzler bones, lightning strikes, sending FOPers yelping - Dan’s Conundrum Batts catch fire with 4 plate crossings in 3rd, another 6 in 4th, climaxing with orgiastic 9 in 5th against dominant F.O.P. team many thought would oust Rusty Machines as masters of Leisure League universe - bewildered Dawgsters, ambushed, never recover, thus completing one of dramatic human competitive comebacks since Jimmy Ping defeated Albert Pong in 1964 World Cup Table Tennis Championship - WHOOOIE!

Conundrums’ Bad Boy After smacking team-leading 3rd round tripper of season, Dale St. Aubin, widely recognized as John McEnroe of softball, charges field ump, goes on tongue-lashing tirade, reminiscent of “You Cannot Be Serious!” episode, chastising ump for 1st base blown calls, spewing out expletives Andrew Dice Clay would find distasteful - to his credit, severely myopic umpy does not give “Boiling Dale” proverbial heave ho, but admonishes fiery Aubbie that “5 more outbursts like that, and you’re gone, pal” – “Dale’s Rant Heard ‘Round The World” thought to be spark to ‘drums’ hitting awakening.

Tequila! Somber Conundrum rooters all but give up fight, prior to St. Aubin outburst they appear ready to head for exits, beat brutal Lakewood traffic, but when Mystery Boys finally break out big sticks, Margarita-infested fans come alive, electrified by resurgent comeback

All Is Forgiven - Despite having generally rough evening handling ball in fields of play, "Dynamic Sausage Duo" of Swanson/Hodorff make key plays in 2 critical sit-u-a-she-owns: 2nd inning, Hody Doe’s alert recovery of miscued ball from 2B partner retires F.O.P. runner, quelling unruly rally, while Swanny’s late inning chat with “The Butcher" of Wheat Ridge on pitching Dawg hitters inside helps calm frazzled veteran’s nerves at game’s critical juncture.

Quote of The Night: “It doesn’t matter, give me the damn ball” – Sean Butcher, when asked prior to mowing down FOP in final inning if Dawgs have 15 or 16 runs

Sully Legacy Arriving just moments before game time, coach refrains from reprimanding Tardy Dale, citing paragraph 3 of slugger’s contract, known simply as “Superstar Clause”, exempting team’s elite player from adhering to club rules – key excerpts of provision, thought to have originated from “Pat Sullivan Principle” apparently mock any reference to player standards of conduct

Secret Weapon? Poised to make everyone forget Mark Dushinske, Gary Stout and other legendary franchise ghosts of the hot corner past, newly self-appointed 3Ber, Jason Emmot unveils brand spankin’ new leather glove, thus dawning in Conundrums’ new age of third base mediocrity – not leaving anything to chance, son of a Telephone Company Operator announces new socks will leave opposition shaking in collective spikes

This Date In Club History: April 25, 2005 – Dom Morelli discovers his telephone really does work, calls GM Butchy, announces end to club holdout, returns to team with 2 for 3 performance, including scoring 2 runs, all for not as Speeco edges ‘drums 13-12, spoiling return of “Sparkplug Morelli”

Nothing Like a Fresh Havana - Reflecting serenely after historic classic over, Emmot keenly observes “no lead is safe in hallowed Lakewood Park", noting that in order to level playing field with nearby Addenbrook Park, team should consider purchasing “The Winston”, long hailed as the premium humidor of its time

He’d Look Good in Fishnets – Swansong conveniently forgets wallet, announces that in order to make drive back to suburban Goodland, KS cushy home, will have to take temporary job hooking on Kipling St., Dan Batt intercedes, lends “Red Light” Eric $20, hopes never to see him in back of vice squad wagon

Talking Down to Americana - Latest "Institute of American Softball Writers Guild" poll shows that 68% of all TWIC Note readers consider writing snobbish, highbrowing, condescending, 53% say it is incoherent dribble, often drifting off beaten path, 32% of respondents insist writers are talent-lacking TWICless twits, when asked if they plan to boycott long-time Conundrums’ publication, 98% said they’ll begrudgingly continue subscriptions, one poll recipient with rather bad skin compared it to an itchy rash, summarizing wryly: “you can’t live with it, you can’t live without it”

Fan-O-Meter Watch – Attendance reaches zenith when 5 people admitted into park, marking largest crowd to watch a club softball game since long, long ago before such records were discussed

Team Photo Night – It’s that strange, wonderful time of year again! Notch 7/6/09 on yer calendar – you won’t want to miss team in spiffy new uniforms; many of them plan to wash new threads just for this event!