Week 8 @ Ten Right Fielders

6/22/09

Ten Right Fielders Leave Rest of Diamond Vacant, ‘drums Roll, Crucial Cop Showdown Next

Conundrums 20
(at) Ten Right Fielders 9
Attendance = 2
Year to Date = 9

LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) – They’re not called 10 Right Fielders for nothing, Puzzlers pound one of worst fielding teams in E League history (we looked it up), thanks to fumbled pops, juggled grounders, throwing miscues - blah, blah, blah – RF gaffes help team cruise to 6th straight “V”, setting stage for next week’s rematch with “Woof, Woof” F.O.P’s

Broadway Never Had So Many Hits: With a little help from RF friends, Conundrum hitting attack continues assault on opposition, hammering home 15 runs in first two stanzas, then easing up on recommendation from part-time employee Satriano with collaboration from sidekick Butcher

Quick, Somebody Call Elias!: Even “Flatfoot” Tomey makes contribution, taking team’s first BB of season, ending 294 consecutive AB’s without a free pass, a record to this date – previous mark unknown, so this ranks as record by intuition – coach’s attempts to halt game for brief ceremony rebuked by players, umps, and Lakewood Park Concessions Manager, who just wants to sell top rated “mystery meat” (pending FDA investigation of course)

Now Barney, Cut That Out! Making first appearance at 3B since playing on 4th grade kickball team, “Hot Corner” Emmot experiences stage fright on first grounder, imitates father’s cartoon idol, Fred Flintstone by tippy-toeing towards 2B, feigns throw to bewildered Swanson, regroups, fires to 1B, nearly gunning down opposition’s “Tortoise” McGillicuddy – asked to comment later on game’s 1 out of 4 putout percentage, unflappable Em remarks “.250 eh? Not bad, not bad at all.” Upon further review, Vinny Castilla wanna-be announces plans to buy smaller glove, thereby ensuring great plays for decades to come…stay tuned

A Legend In His Own Mind With game safely in bag, Butcher On The Hill takes well-deserved early exit, ices arm, gives ground to relievers badly in need of work - St. Aubin/Satriano’s bullpen card game temporarily halted, Rolaids relievers impressive, yield combined 5 runs in 3 innings, securing Sean’s 71st career E League win in hallowed career already filled with dubious achievements

Pop Quiz: Q: How many Conundrums does it take to chase down ball thrown from outfield? A: If you said 4, give yourself a hand and credit for watching bizarre play in 3rd inning of game this week – coach Tomey hopes to have it down to 2 players by season finale, curtly adding “I’m not promising anything”

Had It All The Way – “Baskin Robins” Wilcoxen tracks down line drive during 4th inning with snow cone grab, helps snuff out potential rally - after mates let out sigh of relief, only question from former Dairy Queen employee #A3972-14C is “will that be one scoop or two?”

The Walrus Was Mark – Long/winding road with club nearing end, Satriano resorts to begging, pleading, groveling, desperate for team to void contract, part-timer threatens to sabotage on-field efforts for team he helped launch, observers note strained relationship with Tomey, reminding some of Lennon-McCartney fallout - peacekeepers wonder can’t we all just “Come Together”?

Fan-O-Meter Watch – Attendance soars to 2 patrons, matching previous single game high, season to date total now at 9; officials projecting final numbers to reach double digits, causing panic, mayhem, possibly anarchy at box office; team execs meet late into night on strategy to meet unprecedented demand