Maptek T-Bones 11
Conundrums: 14


Attendance: 2
Season Total: 8

Puzzlers Nearly Give It Away, Give It Away, Give It Away Now

Early Lead Withers, 'drums Fend Off T-Bones As Time Expires

Tom Hodorff accepts Crunchoclaty MVP Award this week, 3-4, R, 2RBI, 2B. Hody later trades TWIX for a Red Ale, the first known MVP swap in team history.  Photo taken from low power phone camera purchased with 4 Kellogs Rice Crispies boxtops (courtesy R. Wilcoxen Photography, LLC)


LAKEWOOD, CO (TP) - Getting a jump on their Christmas shopping, the Conundrums Softball Club was in a giving mood Monday night as they tried (in vain) to present their arch nemesis, Maptek "Give That Dog a" T-Bone a gift-wrapped  victory that had anything but the blessings of Coach Bob Tomey.  Despite many mis-tidings in the field, at the plate and on the base paths, the Puzzlers still managed to send the capacity late night crowd of 2 patrons home happy, relieved, and otherwise indifferent, as the Mystery Boys eeked out a 14-11, 6-inning time-expired win to improve their record to 5-2 in the Leisure League Standings.  The win somewhat avenges the drubbing the T-Bones bestowed upon the 'drums earlier this season and earns them a season split with their longtime pesky rivals. 

It's Late, We're Tired, We Know Not What We Do - With time winding down in the bottom of the 6th, the Posers kept the inning alive long enough to hold off the hard-charging T-Boners despite troubling developments on the diamond.  Ryan Wilcoxen, still smarting from last week's MVP snub, forgets to run to 1st after smacking one off the T-Bone hurler.  Regrettably, it ends up costing the Honda Accord owner his second TWIX Crunchoclaty of the year.  Asked about the incident, the resurgent-hitting Wilky explained  that he needed something to make observers  forget his dropped ball in the outfield 3 innings prior.  Not to be outdone, the next batter, Tom "Hody Ho", Hodorff singles, then nearly runs into Dale "Quick Pitch" St Aubin at 2B.  Overcome by his hatred of the Minnesota Vikings, Tom's devotion to the Green Bay Packers drove him to pursue "Purple People Eater" St. Aubin without abandon and inform him thusly that the Vikings suck (as if we didn't know that already, Tom!).  Finally with seconds to play, Brandon "Let's End This Now" Casey singles to end the game and the Conundrum coach's misery.

Take Me To The Other Side - With the game on the line against a perennially tough opponent, Dale "Both Sides of the Plate" St. Aubin decides during his second AB in the 2nd inning to suddenly begin a new career as a switch hitter.  Hitting from the left side and with runners on base, St. Aubin weakly pops out to Maptek's 2nd sacker, thus killing the rally.  Witnesses from behind the Puzzler bench reportedly heard Skipper Tomey's blood boiling. Undaunted, "If At First You Don't Succeed" Dale again hits from the wrong side in the 5th frame, this time ripping a single to RF.  Unimpressed, "Vein Popper" Tomey grumbles (playfully?) to those within earshot, "He's still a pri**!".  Confronted after the game, St. Aubin stoically explained to the coach he was simply bored with his profession as a right handed hitter and needed a fresh challenge.  Pressed further however, Aubbie admitted he devised the scheme after secretly meeting at a cold damp 'n dusty coffee brothel with former Conundrums Mark Satriano and Pat Sullivan.  We need not say no more.

Hey Everyone, It's Gil...Again! - In a failed attempt to impress the Puzzler Brass, Conundrum rook Gil Solano arrives to the park three hours early Monday night to prepare for the Maptek showdown.  Solano allegedly spent the free time performing a few calisthenics, reviewing the team's signs (there are two: "Swing", "Don't Swing") and thinking of creative ways to wriggle his name into this week's TWICS.   Did it help?  Despite a few good-intentioned hard hit balls, "Hitless in Lakewood" Gil went 0-3, so no, it didn't.  Indeed, nobody could actually confirm the native Texan's early arrival claim.  After all, as the old saying goes, "if a Conundrum arrives to the park 3 hours early and no one is around to see him,  does he make such an appearance?"

Where Have You Gone Jason Emmot? - For the second week in a row, Jason Emmot skips out on the team.  Last week it was due to a weak back (ba-da-boom), now this week Emwa claims he and the family are vacationing, but gives no details of where or how the clan will be spending time away from the ballclub.  TP hired the Pinkerton Investigative Agency to track down the Em clan.  Based on Emmot's travel interests profile, Pinkerton found no evidence at the Colorado Railroad Museum or Rwanda Safaris R Us of anyone named Jason or Carrie Emmot on their tourist dockets.  Emmot has been summoned into the coach's office for some "splaining" upon his return to the team. 

Poser Independence - Like Sean Butcher's dirty shirt, the Conundrums are off next week in observance of the 4th of July holiday, returning to Lakewood Park's proverbial "Diamond in the Rough" field of unmarked dreams July 9.  Players are encouraged to arrive early, but the team issues the following disclaimer:  "There is no guarantee that the 'Solano Theorem' will yield any positive on-field results.